Nickelback Emails

Ive been going through my emails the last hour and I came across some emails that I remember getting about a year ago while I was on tour... They were probably the best emails Ive ever recieved... They were sent to the entire staff at UEG and RoadRunner Records... But i would LOVE to share it with all of you... Keep in mind... I HATE the song myself, but I had to back it up... You know, Work and all........

Dear Sirs and Madams:
I've been unfortunate enough to have been assaulted by the song "Rockstar" by your esteemed client, Nickelback, several fucking thousand times this month. Thank you. The song itself is the musical equivalent of an abortion, only without the sedatives. I Googled the lyrics in a desperate attempt to locate some sense of self-awareness or irony in the puerile and meandering verse, and discovered that in the songwriter's juvenile imagination, one is qualified to receive, among other various perks, free quesadillas, once one is a "rockstar." One wants to point out that one need not be famous in order to procure inexpensive quesadillas, as the ingredients are as follows: 1) cheese. and 2) tortillas.
Bear in mind that I reached adolescence in the mid nineties, and thus, was bombarded by lyrical and instrumental stupidity on an almost daily basis. Bryan Adams, kenny G, AND King Missile, however, in a drunken and heroin fueled dream sequence-y collaboration, could not have produced music as ill-conceived, uninspired, and ultimately infuriating as "Rockstar" as "performed" by Nickelback.
This song is worse than the Macarena, the Meow Mix jingle, and every song in the Top Gun soundtrack. It is less imaginative, more repetitive, and yet, more pervasive, than any craptacular "hit" that's stunk up the airwaves since, I don't know, 1983.
May god help you, you merciless bastards, for propagating this horrible music and for exposing it to the countless throngs of idiots who will mimic it and produce similar songs which will similarly annoy me in the years to come.
Yours truly,
Jenny M. Russell

MY REPLY...
Jenny jenny I got youre number 8675309.....
Thanks for the support!
Would you like an autographed 8x10?
Sent from Kelly K's iPhone...word!


Next email...

To Whom It May Concern:
I heard the song Rockstar by Nickleback(sp?) three times today alone. I must have heard it at least half a dozen times this week alone. At this point I don't think I can enter a public establishment anywhere in my local area without being assaulted by that horrific fucking song. The lyrics to that song are so blatantly stupid that I think it may be a joke. The melody is so repetitive that it gets stuck in my head for hours at a time. As we speak I'm hearing the lead singers croaky lyrics in a partially complete verse repeating in my head over and over again. I fear I will wake up in the morning from a restless sleep, stumble into the shower and start washing my hair only to realize the retarded lyrics "Hang out w/ the coolest stars!" are still echoing in my brain. This shit music your company supports is directly responsible for Americans like Teen Miss South Carolina and George W. Bush. Fuck you and your entire record company.
Sincerely,

MY REPLY

Hahahahahaha!!! 7 million coppies sold, 25 million world wide! Thanks for the support!
Sent from Kelly K's iPhone...word!

HIS REPLY....

I didn't buy one. You're welcome though.

Obama Hillary Part 2

First I wanna say thank you to all 1200 of you who read my last blog... HOWEVER... I believe most of you took it WAY out of context. And I only wish half of you who read yesterdays read this... but i doubt you will.....

First let me say.... 99.9% of my blogs are COMEDY....a SATIRE if you will... and thats EXACTLY what this was... I was taking something that is on everyones mind and making a joke out of it... I was never meaning to try and sway anyones opinion, i was never trying to say vote for this person or that person... I was just being funny....

Now, all the comments and debate about it i found very amusing... Until some of you started calling me racist and shallow. And even saying I dont respect women.... And to you people I say "READ THE DAMN BLOG AGAIN!!"

I was simply stating that if you want a women president SIMPLY FOR THE FACT SHES A WOMAN, not for any other reason, then who cares who it is!!! If you just want a female because shes a female I think thats ignorant!!!! Same thing about Obama!!! I NEVER made a joke or said anything harsh about him being black... I, again, said IF YOU JUST WANT TO VOTE FOR A BLACK MAN CAUSE HES BLACK....WHO CARES WHO IT IS!!! Again if thats why youre voting for him..... YOURE STUPID!!! 

Yes, I said redneck KKK bastards might try and kill him... Well.....??? Im probably right!!! I didnt say it was good!! or that it was funny!!! I was just stating that it could probably happen!!! 

But for you guys to come at me with accusations of RACE, and SHALLOWNESS.... How does that make you look... It makes you look as dumb and ignorant as the people youre complaining about. 

If you guys want to debate politics on my blog... I think thats awesome... I think its great that it was a conversation starter.... But thats all it is!! You all need to know that YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOUR OPINIONS!!! But thats just what they are... Argue all you want, but dont try and change anyones mind... Its ok if someone wants to believe different from you... Thats life. Dont get me wrong... I like to bitch and argue probably more than any of you... But I will never try and sway you.

I give Kyle mad props... Because he came in with a TOTAL different view than most of us and stated his opinions and took the ridicule he got in return with a grain of salt. I know Kyle very well and I know for a fact he wasnt offended by anything anyone said to him!! He didnt lose a bit of sleep over it... and thats how t should be... it should be all in fun.

So... In conclusion.... IT WAS A JOKE... It was written to try and make you all laugh... A few of you I believe understood this... But for those of you who didnt.. Try not to be so easily offended. Try not to take everything as a personal attack. 

ITS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!!

I hope you all keep reading my stupid ass blogs!!

LATE,
Kelly K

Obama and Hillary......Sigh......

Why would you vote for Obama OR Hillary??? Seriously.... I mean come on... even if you ARE a democrat... LOOK AT YOUR OPTIONS!!! Id rather have Hitler run our country than either of those "WINNERS"!!!



 Not that I think we have an amazing leader now... But good lordt!! OBAMA!!! HILLARY!!!! What is this world coming too..... Now I know Hucabee and McCain aren't all that bad ass either.... But at least they aren't possible terrorists and dont have vagina's...... (ohhh....sick burn.....)

I normally dont get involved in these things..... But this time... I think I actually DO care... I mean, if we have a woman run our country, how much respect do you think were gonna get from other countries that have NO respect for women?? And as for Obama.... dude....do you want your life at risk?? We have like millions of dumb ass, redneck, KKK, hood wearin, cross burnin, bastards just WAITING to have the chance the get their name in the books as the one who took you down!!! Not mention the fact that Obama HIMSELF may try and destroy our country.... 



If youre just voting for a woman because you want A woman to be president....will just ANY woman do??? If so lets at least get someone whos HOT!!! Lets get one that doesnt just forgive her husband after he cheats on her MANY times...Someone who actually has a little bit of self respect and will stick up for HERSELF... How will she treat an attack on us?? Oh, its cool...just dont let it happen again..... Yeah, thats what we need... If were gonna throw our country in the trash lets at least make it look good in doing so....any strippers wanna run??



And if you want a black man as president... if thats the ONLY reason you want Obama... Lets get a black guy with some  fuckin STYLE!!! Lets get Sam L Jackson in the office!!! 






He wont take any shit off ANYONE!! in fact, I believe his wallet says "Bad Mother Fucker" on it.... 




Oh not him?? What about Michael Clarke Duncan.....You know.... the guy from the Green Mile... 



He can just suck all the bad outta the world and just let it go..... Can Obama do that?? I didnt think so... PLUS, I doubt Tom Hanks would EVER be friends with Obama...Im just sayin....






NOTE: Im not against ANY woman being president..... Just ones that aren't dudes...

I mean, come on....is it just me or do you feel it too.......

LATE!
Kelly K

A Kelly K Update.....

Ok... so as most of you know... Right now Im on tour with RED as their Tour Manager... Ive been out since the beginning of September I guess. And its been pretty awesome! Right now were out opening for Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, and Seether.... (By the way, go buy the new Seether album, NOW! "No Jesus Christ" is one of the best songs Ive heard in years!) Anyway, this tour is amazing! I mean, none of these bands are really the style of music I dig, but man they all put on an amazing show!!

Oh, and yeah, Halloween is tomorrow.... and the WHOLE tour is dressing up... And I was raised to not really celebrate Halloween, I mean, i got to dress up as Bible characters when I was a kid and go to church functions, but never like trick or treating or anything. And that was always cool with me. That being said, this isn't really a big holiday for me. But it is to everyone else out here!!! SOOOOoooo we had to go buy costumes today. Now, Ben From Breaking Ben, bought a $1000 Superman outfit that is so freaking bad ass, no one can compete with it. So we decided to go the more funny route. So, RED and I went to get ours today and it goes like this... Jason is gonna be Janga Fett from starwars. but not the adult size costume, the children's size. He tried it on today in the store and that thing is so tight its ridiculous!!! The twins went with the children's Red and Black spider man costumes... a twin thing I guess..... Mike went a little different route and just bought a bad ass costume. Hes going as V for Vendetta. Hayden bought a children's Court Jester outfit to wear during the day and the Hell raiser mask to play in that night....... Me on the other hand.... When we went in to get the costumes, i was thinkin I would just wear a mask or somthin, but those guys thought I would be better in something else..... SO, they pick out a costume for me and I try it on.... The ensure i will be the "Hit" of the day... But i just dont see it. In fact, i cant see any way in hell i would EVER wear this costume!!! But they insist and keep pushing until I finally said ok and bought the damn thing...... what is it you ask???

Well, as embarrassed as I am, Ill tell you. I'm going as a Playboy Bunny Cocktail Waitress. Yeah.... I know. All i'm wearing is VERY thin VERY short black dress with Bunny tail, White collar with black bow tie, and Black Bunny ears. Oh yeah, and fishnet stockings.... And NO i wont post any pictures!!! sorry! You'll just have to use your imagination.... and Im pretty sure that will be just as bad..... LAME

Other than that, The tour is going well, I'm having a great time, But I am defiantly ready to come home and spend some time with my friends and family. Ill be flying into Midland on Nov 19th and then Mikey and I will be going to Oklahoma for a little while. THEN, and Im so stoked about this, Jesse Ricky and I will be driving to Philly to record the DieselHorse record!! It should be pretty bad ass! So, I hope you all find me while I'm around so that good times can be had!!!

So, theres a little update for you.... Miss you all, leave love!


LATE!
Kelly K

RED TOUR VIDEO BLOG 5

ON THE ROAD AGAIN #4-5

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RED TOUR VIDEO BLOGS

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No more numbers... Just an update

Ok, So even though im pretty sure Ive lost most of my readers on these blogs… Ill write another one….

Today we have the day off in Indiana. Its freaking hot here!!!! I just got back from doing my laundry, and now I just don’t want to leave the hotel! Ha! Straight up though… I got 12 hours of sleep last night! It was amazing!!! I still feel tired though. Im getting to the point where I just wanna come home! I miss my bed ever so much! Haha!

So lets see here, since I last wrote, I think Ive been to Jersey twice, Pennsylvania, New York and lord knows where else! I did however get the pleasure of having Steve and Dave from Jealousy Curve come see me at the first Jersey show. Then that night I took a cab to see them play their EP release in Philly! That has probably been one of the best times Ive had so far on this tour! By the way, make sure you go by their mayspace and check out a few of the new songs and pick up the EP if you haven’t yet! (www.myspace.com/jealousycurve)

Blah, check this out. I got a cymbal from one of the bands on my stage about a week ago and Ive been having all the bands on my stage sign it for me…. Well, I had it almost finished and then 2 days ago, at the end of the night, im finishing packing my truck, and I realize its gone!!! Some lame joker stole my cymbal!!! Oh I was so pissed!!!! Well, then last night im finishing my truck and I see some girl sitting over by the fence. Nothing unusual, but then my truck driver says, man, that’s a lucky girl… I was like how come??? He said, one of the band guys gave her this cymbal that was all signed by the bands on this stage…. I was like really????????? So I went over to her and asked if I could see it…. Yep, it was mine. But she was so happy to have it that I couldn’t take it back. So I told her the story behind it and then I showed here whos signatures were what… It made her night that she got that. And Im glad. Cause now I gotta try and find another one and go through all that again to get a new one!! Ha! At least someone is happy…..

What else is new…. Um… I got a new piercing! That was fun!! I hadn’t been pierced in over 4 years! I got to chill with Matt Skiba again last night! Loved that! I had him call my boy Kyle who is a HUGE fan too, so that was really cool that I could do that. I had him record a voice mail thing for me but my stupid iPhone wouldn’t save it!!!! So now I have to ask him to do it again…. Lame…..

Well, I think I shall go take a shower and try to find a movie to go see…. Leave me some love! I miss you all!!!

AND GO CHECK OUT JEALOUSY CURVE!!!

You can hear the entire new album here… http://www.purevolume.com/jealousycurve

LATE!

Kelly K

Kelly and Matt Skiba... Please read this one!! (I want to show it off)

I just wanted you all to know how happy I am!! I dont even know where to start...

Ive been made fun of this whole tour because of how big of a Alkaline Trio fan I am... Well, they came on the tour yesterday, and I told everyone I would do whatever it took to get them on my stage.... well.... They got put on the OTHER main stage.... So I was pretty bummed...almost to tears, no joke. So they play their first show in Chicago, their home toen, and I get to see about 4 of the songs. Then I had to get back to work. But i was excited i got to see them. Then today, both main stages were side by side... I see Matt Skiba checking his guitar... I wanted to go talk to him so freakin bad but i didnt want to seem like some big uber fan boy....Well, he puts his Guitar down and walks towards my stage, so I just decide to walk up to Him and I say hey Im Kelly, He says hey man, Im Mat.... Oh wait, youre Kelly Kopp?? I was like yeah! He said, Ive heard all about you, i was on my way over to find you!!! HA HA!! My frakin hero, lookin for me!! i was so stoked!! that right there made my day!! i was so stoked, it was way brief but i was happy....

Well, then tonight when i get off work, I go to some local bar with some friends of mine from tour. We have a couple of drinks and Im feelin kinda buzzed so i decide to walk back to the bus. On my way out of the bar, I notice Firpo (a guy on my bus) Sitting at the bar.... (Firpo gives me the most crap about being a trio fan cause hes pretty much Best friends with Matt skiba) Well, I walk up to him to say goodnight, not noticing, hes sitting with Matt and Heather (The Trios Merch girl) Well, all of a sudden i realize who im standing next to... I just play cool like im about to leave and Matts like... Hey Kelly, were going to our bus you wanna come have a glass of absinth with us???? Im like... Dude, I would LOVE to!!! So me, Matt, Firpo, and Heather all walk back to the Trios bus... Matt makes us all glasses of Absinth and we all just sit around and talk for 2 hours!!! I was in freaking heaven!!! Then when we had to leave (15min ago) Matt Invited me to go to the Interpol Show with him tomorrow!! he Said that I could come chill with him anytime while theyre on tour!!!

So anyway... I basicly had the best day of my life!!! im so stoked right now you have no idea!!! Anyway, thought Id share!! Weather you leave love or not.... Im so stoked!!

LATE!
Kelly K

BLOG 8: Jacksonville FL.

Ok well…Its been quite sometime… I think, since Ive written anything new. So I thought I would take a few minuets and update everyone.

Well after New Mexico We did 3 Texas Dates. Which was awesome! But only due to the fact that I got to see my Brother, Toni, Paige, David and Nichole!! They all came to the Dallas show. My brother is a HUGE Red Jumpsuit fan so It felt really good to get to introduce him to the band and let him watch the show from the stage. Ive always wanted to do something for him that he would really appreciate… Toni and Paige even hung out with me after the show. I took them on my bus, showed them around and then just left them at the BBQ for 20 min while I went and took one my coveted showers! Word…. But the best part was after that, I walked them to their car and when they were gonna give me a ride back we decided to stop at McDonalds… We were in the drive through, it took us 20 min to get what wanted across to the lady. We finally pull around, She hands us like a whole extra meal that we didn’t order, but yet I apid for and THEN…..then we asked for some sweet and sour sauce. She gave us 2. Paige said… Can we have some more please?? And she says… in quite a bitchy tone….You know we charge for dose…. So I get pissed because in my mind… 2 more sauces isn’t a big deal… So I ask, how much are they?? She says 27 cents. So I say… well, Ill take $4 worth… And she says, “ you want a who??” h aha! So she sits there for a min counting out an entire bag of sauce for us, hands it to us, says nothing and slams the window…. Ha ha ha! Good times….

Anyway, When we got to Houston, It was raining all morning. But we only cancel shows if there is lightening. Well, it showed up to. I had just unloaded my first truck when they decided to cancel the show. So we load all the gear right back into the truck. And its stops raining. The comes out and it’s a beautiful day. I was pissed. So we had the day off, BUT we were supposed to have 2 days off in a row then start the 12 days in a row… But because we canceled the show, we had to stay the next day and do the show in doors! Which meant, only 1 day off before the 12 days…. Lame. The indoor show was ok, pretty loud, but not bad. I got to see that Matches that day. They played on my stage. That was my first time to go from work mode to Oh my God, im a fan…. I went up to the singer and introduced myself, told him what I did on tour … and then I asked him what songs they were gonna do…. He said, Do you need that from all the bands?? I was like, no, Im just a fan and I was wondering what songs you were gonna play! Ha! So he tells me what theyre gonna play and I start asking why they aren’t playing all my favorite songs…. He just says, Dude, im just glad you know my songs! ….. So I dug that. It made my day worth while.

We did Atlanta yesterday, where I got to meet the fat kid from Accepted and Knocked Up!!! He was out promoting the new movie Super Bad and I got to on his bus and chill with him for a min….Yeah, I mad him say Smasmorshin like a billion times!! Ha!

Today was 1 of 4 days in Florida… Yeah, Florida sucks. I was in Jacksonville today and dude… it was so hot. I think the hottest I have EVER been in my life… you just sweat all day. Its horrible. And all this work and dirt and sweat is making it hard for my tattoo to heal!! Oh yeah, I got a tour tattoo! Ha! On Friday the 13^th, since it is the 13^th Warped tour, and the stage I work is called “13” a bunch of us got “13” tattoos. So, yeah… its not wanting to heal properly and It makes me mad…. Anyway, I think ive written enough for one night. Im quite ready for bed. But, I will write more soon and I hope to talk to you all….. or most of you… hehe, soon!

Late!
Kelly K

Oh, and here are some pictures from along the way....

BLOG 7: Los Cruces NM.

Well, Im in Los Cruces NM right now… Its 10:44am here… I just got my stage set up and My first 3 bands backlined and I thought id take my extra time to write to you! Word!!

Dude, yesterday we were in Arizona…. I kid you not, in my trailer it was 130 degrees!!! Its bad when the highlight of your day is a shower… We had AMAZING showers last night! I’ve come to appreciate the finer things in life…. Such as showers, water, Beds, and fruit…. These are things Ill never take for granted again!

Last night I got no sleep. None at all… and you wanna know why??? Cause I kept dreaming that I had to fit all of Red Jumpsuits gear into my bunk. So I kept rolling over and moving around thinking I had to fit gear in there with me. And its like…. At certain points I KNEW I was dreaming… but I just couldn’t wake myself up and think my way out of it! Lame!! I tell you what… If ANY of you ask me to help you move when I get home, or pack a truck…. Forget it!!! Im already tired of packing trucks! Ha! Ill come over and help you stay put. Ill just sit there and make sure you don’t start loading things into a truck… I like that way better….

Well, sorry I don’t have any crazy story’s yet today…. But ill hit you all with more later… Im gonna go to work now!

Late!

Kelly K