Nickelback Emails

Ive been going through my emails the last hour and I came across some emails that I remember getting about a year ago while I was on tour... They were probably the best emails Ive ever recieved... They were sent to the entire staff at UEG and RoadRunner Records... But i would LOVE to share it with all of you... Keep in mind... I HATE the song myself, but I had to back it up... You know, Work and all........

Dear Sirs and Madams:
I've been unfortunate enough to have been assaulted by the song "Rockstar" by your esteemed client, Nickelback, several fucking thousand times this month. Thank you. The song itself is the musical equivalent of an abortion, only without the sedatives. I Googled the lyrics in a desperate attempt to locate some sense of self-awareness or irony in the puerile and meandering verse, and discovered that in the songwriter's juvenile imagination, one is qualified to receive, among other various perks, free quesadillas, once one is a "rockstar." One wants to point out that one need not be famous in order to procure inexpensive quesadillas, as the ingredients are as follows: 1) cheese. and 2) tortillas.
Bear in mind that I reached adolescence in the mid nineties, and thus, was bombarded by lyrical and instrumental stupidity on an almost daily basis. Bryan Adams, kenny G, AND King Missile, however, in a drunken and heroin fueled dream sequence-y collaboration, could not have produced music as ill-conceived, uninspired, and ultimately infuriating as "Rockstar" as "performed" by Nickelback.
This song is worse than the Macarena, the Meow Mix jingle, and every song in the Top Gun soundtrack. It is less imaginative, more repetitive, and yet, more pervasive, than any craptacular "hit" that's stunk up the airwaves since, I don't know, 1983.
May god help you, you merciless bastards, for propagating this horrible music and for exposing it to the countless throngs of idiots who will mimic it and produce similar songs which will similarly annoy me in the years to come.
Yours truly,
Jenny M. Russell

MY REPLY...
Jenny jenny I got youre number 8675309.....
Thanks for the support!
Would you like an autographed 8x10?
Sent from Kelly K's iPhone...word!


Next email...

To Whom It May Concern:
I heard the song Rockstar by Nickleback(sp?) three times today alone. I must have heard it at least half a dozen times this week alone. At this point I don't think I can enter a public establishment anywhere in my local area without being assaulted by that horrific fucking song. The lyrics to that song are so blatantly stupid that I think it may be a joke. The melody is so repetitive that it gets stuck in my head for hours at a time. As we speak I'm hearing the lead singers croaky lyrics in a partially complete verse repeating in my head over and over again. I fear I will wake up in the morning from a restless sleep, stumble into the shower and start washing my hair only to realize the retarded lyrics "Hang out w/ the coolest stars!" are still echoing in my brain. This shit music your company supports is directly responsible for Americans like Teen Miss South Carolina and George W. Bush. Fuck you and your entire record company.
Sincerely,

MY REPLY

Hahahahahaha!!! 7 million coppies sold, 25 million world wide! Thanks for the support!
Sent from Kelly K's iPhone...word!

HIS REPLY....

I didn't buy one. You're welcome though.