I wanna be an A-List Celeb too!!!

Ok, So everyone is doing this "Celebrity Look-a-Like" Thing now... So I'm not gonna lie.... it gets me thinking, "I wonder what "hot" Celebrity I look like!....Maybe this is my chance to show the LADIES how hot I REALLY am!!"

So I go check it out like any "NORMAL" person would. Now it says to upload a picture.... I do... I click the "Recognize Face" Button... Then it tells me to sign up for an account..... LAME!!! In most situations like this, and I mean 99% of the time, when I'm asked to sign up I give it the ol F-U and X out of that scam of a website.....

But not today....No, today I was on a mission, I WILL know what A-List Celeb I look like!!! So I sign up...

Well, ok, Im a member now! Under a false name and fake email address they let me in! (What kinda gank ass website doesn't validate your email... ha ha, suckers....)

Upload time! I upload my picture.....I can hardly wait to get the results!!! Im so excited! This will be a life changing day for me I just know it!!!

AND THE RESLUT IS.......



KELLY OSBORNE???? Really?? I mean, Yeah I get that we have the same first name and all... but REALLY?? Don't get me wrong.... I love Ozzy! And if it had said I was close to the Prince of Darkness himself...I would have been stoked!!! but nope.... Kelly Osborne. The Princess of Ugly....

So let me try this again... Maybe I just picked the wrong picture... perhaps I shouldn't get discouraged yet... Yeah, a new picture!!! Lets try this again!!!



OHHHHhhhhh, Yeah, Of course!!!! Why didn't I see it every morning when I looked in the mirror!!!! Anna Kournikova!!! No wonder guys are always trying to buy me shots and take me home every night from the club!!!! Wow, what a relief... Im not a Kelly Osborne Look-a-Like!!! But you know what... why cant it say I look like a DUDE?! I mean, I AM one and everything.... Maybe its the hair... Maybe I threw it off with my BEAUTIFUL blonde hair that it just felt required to say I looked like Anna... Yeah, I don't wanna cheat the system.... Perhaps another picture....



Um...................... Yeah. Mary Kate Olsen??? .....I mean, if I HAVE to be an Olsen twin why couldn't I have at least been Ashley??? This is not going the way I had planned. I wanted to see how much I looked like Matt Damon or Ed Norton... Not the freakin Olsen Twins!!! I mean, how many ladies will dig this line..."Hey baby, wanna come back to my place and see how closely I resemble the Olsen Twins...I cant wait to show you MY Full House...." Yeah, No.

Ok, Last try. If I'm not looking like Ryan Gosling after this one, I quit!!! I cant take this kinda of sick humor and rejection this website has decided to taunt me with!!! Last Picture...


YES!! SCORE!!! I finally look like a guy!!! Oh, wait.... No I don't.... I'm that lame girl from The Fifth Element....WHY! WHY LORD!!! Why couldn't it have at least been like some funny fat guy?? I'd deal with that... Jack Black?? Heck yeah! But nope. I get Kelly Osborne.... John Belushi?? Nope, Anna Kournikova... Ill even take Drew Carrey!!! But they stick me with Mary Kate Olsen!!!!

My day feels like a complete waste now... I'm a failure... I guess Ill never get to be a hot A List Celeb..... Sigh...

My advice to all of you, is stay away from myheritage.com. It will only break your hearts.....

LATER!
Kelly K

What the Hell?!?

As I sit thinking about my day and perhaps just the world in general... it brings me to the question.....What the hell?!?!?

Such as....

1) Hey, you in the Jaguar! What the hell makes you think that having a more expensive car than me gives you the right to pull out into traffic in front of me and then immediately hit your breaks because you want to turn into the Starbucks parking lot at 8:50 a.m?

I took the driving test to get my license in the great state of Oklahoma, and I don't recall the part of the drivers' guide that details how right of way is determined by price of vehicle. However, I do remember the part about using the little lights on the corners of your car to show in which direction you intend to turn.

2) What kind of awesome mirrors must fat girls in skimpy outfits own? I mean, damn, do you think you look good when you leave the house with a size 5 top gripping hold of your size 16 belly!!!


What the hell is wrong with these girls who prance around with their stomachs hanging out over the tops of their pants? You'd think you'd want to hide that, wouldn't you? You'd think you'd want to cover that up with a nice big sweater. But you don't. You want to let that belly button roam free, swaying from side to side as it points directly at the ground.

I mean dang... I know I cant wear tight little Hollister shirts....So I dont! No worries!!!

3) What the hell makes people think that walking directly behind someone else is going to make them walk faster? Walking back from lunch today, this dude's right behind us, flip-flops flapping cranked to 11.... You know, there's a good sized area on either side of our group where you can walk by. Shuffling along, two inches behind, is not going to make me walk any faster.


4) The song by Hinder that begins with the line "I think you can do much better than me." It always reminds me that yes I can, and I change the station. What the hell kind of opening line is that?

5) So you graduated from university. Awe-SOME! Now it's time to get a job with all that accumulated knowledge that you paid out the ass for. You can get a job just about anywhere now. It needn't be a stellar, career-setting occupation to start with. Just start browsing Monster for things you're qualified to do. And you never know, you might get lucky and actually find something great.....

But oh.... Why the sad face? Why the depressed blog entries? Why the bemoaning of capitalism, federalism, fate, private enterprise, individualism and gasoline? Why the penniless bank account and mattress in brother's garage? WHY ARE YOU ON MYSPACE AND NOT ON CRAIGSLIST!

Sitting on your butt and listening to "Waiting On The World To Change" means that your unemployment is your own fault. So you decided (in all your nineteen year old wisdom) to major in Fine Arts. Dumb choice, yeah, but there are always jobs. Assistant to the Assistant Deputy Advertising Intern at the Puget Sound Flyer. Whatever. There's only one thing I know to be true and this is it: leaving tragic "status" messages on Facebook and crying about adulthood on myspace isn't helping. You have a degree. Use it. What the Hell.... ( I guess I kind of went off a bit on that one....my bad!)

Anyway, In conclusion... let just call today... "WHAT THE HELL" Day.....

Sigh...

LATE!
Kelly K

The Fair: A Great American Raping

Who, you might ask, am I going to hate on today? Who has annoyed me so much that I must write and rant on the subject? Well, I'll tell you! The freakin' fair! or Carnival, or circus..... Or maybe even not the places themselves, but perhaps the people that go to them.

Let's look here, and I apologize ahead of time if I step on anyone's toes..... First off, they bring this "Big Ol Fair" to YOUR town! WOODOO! They come and take over YOUR mall parking lot with their 4 exciting "THRILL" rides, 3 kiddy rides, and their ferris wheel, which is almost big enough to see over the mall! (But not quite.) They bring these "joys of life" to you for your enjoyment, and your enjoyment ONLY!

Yeah, or to rape you.

They set up little games to play! How fun! Throw a ball at the bottles! Knock them down and win a PRIZE! The only problem here is you just paid $5 to throw a ball at some rigged bottles that aren't gonna fall over, even if God decided to knock them down, and you just got a "PRIZE" worth about $.50! Yeah, wonderful way to spend those 5 bones! Oh, but you were paying for the experience? Well, come to my house, I'll set up some bottles, Throw a ball....the bottles will fall, you'll have the experience, and I only charge $3! Now that's a fun time!

And how about these wonderful thrill rides they ever so lovingly bring to us.... Yeah, let's look at them.... Ok, so it takes tickets to ride. Let's go buy tickets. $20 for 20 tickets! Awesome! That's like at least 10 rides, right? I mean, there's no way they can charge over $2 per ride....right?

Nope. Let's go ride the Spinning Wheel of Doom! Yeah, that sounds fun! Oh, 8 tickets? Well, ok, this ride looks scary AND fun! I'll pay 8 tickets for that! We ride and ride and ride for about 90 seconds at amazing speeds of over 5MPH! YES YES Y-E-S YES!!! That was SOOOooooo worth 8 of my hard earned dollars! I worked an hour at my job to spin in a circle for a minute and a half! Again, come to my house and I'll put you in my BEAUTIFUL white, 98 Ford Mustang and drive you in circles for 5 minutes going at least 30mph and only again charge $3!

Now let's look at the ever so lovely people at the fair... we all know they set up these wonderful places for your blue collar, white, inbred American family. So here we have Joe Mechanic and the Stay at Home wife, Overweight Son 1 and 2, and the "I'm way to cool and Goth to be at the fair" daughter. Now this Joker makes roughly, and this is going out on a limb, $30,000 a year. Here they are for the "Time of their Life"!

They pay $5 a piece to get in the door, $60 in tickets for the kiddos, and at least $50 on food they could have gotten anywhere else for $10. Not to mention the $100 they spent on games. And since the kids are America's finest, they won nothing. Not to mention 2 of the kids were fat, so they couldn't ride any of the rides and the tickets are non refundable....nice. This "average" family easily dropped $250 on dang near NOTHING! Now add this up with all the great American families at the fair. What do you have?? A good ol' fashioned ASS RAPING! The fair is raping you! And you keep wanting to go again and again!

And then what do they do? Come to your town 4 more times that year with a different name... Oh, you went to the fair, you say??? How about the CARNIVAL! No? What about the CIRCUS! Ok, you say the circus is different, they have animals! Yeah, half dead animals that walk in a circle, praying to be put out of their misery. You could have saved the $10 admittance and gone to the zoo on 50 cent Wednesday!

So, there you have it. I hate fairs, carnivals, the circus, and let's go ahead and say petting zoos too, 'cause we ALL know that's a RIP! I mean, shoot, again, come to my house, give me $3, and feed me food! It's way more entertaining, AND I'll even throw in a bit of conversation!

Whatever....

LATE!
Kelly K