A Kelly K Update.....

Ok... so as most of you know... Right now Im on tour with RED as their Tour Manager... Ive been out since the beginning of September I guess. And its been pretty awesome! Right now were out opening for Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, and Seether.... (By the way, go buy the new Seether album, NOW! "No Jesus Christ" is one of the best songs Ive heard in years!) Anyway, this tour is amazing! I mean, none of these bands are really the style of music I dig, but man they all put on an amazing show!!

Oh, and yeah, Halloween is tomorrow.... and the WHOLE tour is dressing up... And I was raised to not really celebrate Halloween, I mean, i got to dress up as Bible characters when I was a kid and go to church functions, but never like trick or treating or anything. And that was always cool with me. That being said, this isn't really a big holiday for me. But it is to everyone else out here!!! SOOOOoooo we had to go buy costumes today. Now, Ben From Breaking Ben, bought a $1000 Superman outfit that is so freaking bad ass, no one can compete with it. So we decided to go the more funny route. So, RED and I went to get ours today and it goes like this... Jason is gonna be Janga Fett from starwars. but not the adult size costume, the children's size. He tried it on today in the store and that thing is so tight its ridiculous!!! The twins went with the children's Red and Black spider man costumes... a twin thing I guess..... Mike went a little different route and just bought a bad ass costume. Hes going as V for Vendetta. Hayden bought a children's Court Jester outfit to wear during the day and the Hell raiser mask to play in that night....... Me on the other hand.... When we went in to get the costumes, i was thinkin I would just wear a mask or somthin, but those guys thought I would be better in something else..... SO, they pick out a costume for me and I try it on.... The ensure i will be the "Hit" of the day... But i just dont see it. In fact, i cant see any way in hell i would EVER wear this costume!!! But they insist and keep pushing until I finally said ok and bought the damn thing...... what is it you ask???

Well, as embarrassed as I am, Ill tell you. I'm going as a Playboy Bunny Cocktail Waitress. Yeah.... I know. All i'm wearing is VERY thin VERY short black dress with Bunny tail, White collar with black bow tie, and Black Bunny ears. Oh yeah, and fishnet stockings.... And NO i wont post any pictures!!! sorry! You'll just have to use your imagination.... and Im pretty sure that will be just as bad..... LAME

Other than that, The tour is going well, I'm having a great time, But I am defiantly ready to come home and spend some time with my friends and family. Ill be flying into Midland on Nov 19th and then Mikey and I will be going to Oklahoma for a little while. THEN, and Im so stoked about this, Jesse Ricky and I will be driving to Philly to record the DieselHorse record!! It should be pretty bad ass! So, I hope you all find me while I'm around so that good times can be had!!!

So, theres a little update for you.... Miss you all, leave love!


LATE!
Kelly K

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No more numbers... Just an update

Ok, So even though im pretty sure Ive lost most of my readers on these blogs… Ill write another one….

Today we have the day off in Indiana. Its freaking hot here!!!! I just got back from doing my laundry, and now I just don’t want to leave the hotel! Ha! Straight up though… I got 12 hours of sleep last night! It was amazing!!! I still feel tired though. Im getting to the point where I just wanna come home! I miss my bed ever so much! Haha!

So lets see here, since I last wrote, I think Ive been to Jersey twice, Pennsylvania, New York and lord knows where else! I did however get the pleasure of having Steve and Dave from Jealousy Curve come see me at the first Jersey show. Then that night I took a cab to see them play their EP release in Philly! That has probably been one of the best times Ive had so far on this tour! By the way, make sure you go by their mayspace and check out a few of the new songs and pick up the EP if you haven’t yet! (www.myspace.com/jealousycurve)

Blah, check this out. I got a cymbal from one of the bands on my stage about a week ago and Ive been having all the bands on my stage sign it for me…. Well, I had it almost finished and then 2 days ago, at the end of the night, im finishing packing my truck, and I realize its gone!!! Some lame joker stole my cymbal!!! Oh I was so pissed!!!! Well, then last night im finishing my truck and I see some girl sitting over by the fence. Nothing unusual, but then my truck driver says, man, that’s a lucky girl… I was like how come??? He said, one of the band guys gave her this cymbal that was all signed by the bands on this stage…. I was like really????????? So I went over to her and asked if I could see it…. Yep, it was mine. But she was so happy to have it that I couldn’t take it back. So I told her the story behind it and then I showed here whos signatures were what… It made her night that she got that. And Im glad. Cause now I gotta try and find another one and go through all that again to get a new one!! Ha! At least someone is happy…..

What else is new…. Um… I got a new piercing! That was fun!! I hadn’t been pierced in over 4 years! I got to chill with Matt Skiba again last night! Loved that! I had him call my boy Kyle who is a HUGE fan too, so that was really cool that I could do that. I had him record a voice mail thing for me but my stupid iPhone wouldn’t save it!!!! So now I have to ask him to do it again…. Lame…..

Well, I think I shall go take a shower and try to find a movie to go see…. Leave me some love! I miss you all!!!

AND GO CHECK OUT JEALOUSY CURVE!!!

You can hear the entire new album here… http://www.purevolume.com/jealousycurve

LATE!

Kelly K

Kelly and Matt Skiba... Please read this one!! (I want to show it off)

I just wanted you all to know how happy I am!! I dont even know where to start...

Ive been made fun of this whole tour because of how big of a Alkaline Trio fan I am... Well, they came on the tour yesterday, and I told everyone I would do whatever it took to get them on my stage.... well.... They got put on the OTHER main stage.... So I was pretty bummed...almost to tears, no joke. So they play their first show in Chicago, their home toen, and I get to see about 4 of the songs. Then I had to get back to work. But i was excited i got to see them. Then today, both main stages were side by side... I see Matt Skiba checking his guitar... I wanted to go talk to him so freakin bad but i didnt want to seem like some big uber fan boy....Well, he puts his Guitar down and walks towards my stage, so I just decide to walk up to Him and I say hey Im Kelly, He says hey man, Im Mat.... Oh wait, youre Kelly Kopp?? I was like yeah! He said, Ive heard all about you, i was on my way over to find you!!! HA HA!! My frakin hero, lookin for me!! i was so stoked!! that right there made my day!! i was so stoked, it was way brief but i was happy....

Well, then tonight when i get off work, I go to some local bar with some friends of mine from tour. We have a couple of drinks and Im feelin kinda buzzed so i decide to walk back to the bus. On my way out of the bar, I notice Firpo (a guy on my bus) Sitting at the bar.... (Firpo gives me the most crap about being a trio fan cause hes pretty much Best friends with Matt skiba) Well, I walk up to him to say goodnight, not noticing, hes sitting with Matt and Heather (The Trios Merch girl) Well, all of a sudden i realize who im standing next to... I just play cool like im about to leave and Matts like... Hey Kelly, were going to our bus you wanna come have a glass of absinth with us???? Im like... Dude, I would LOVE to!!! So me, Matt, Firpo, and Heather all walk back to the Trios bus... Matt makes us all glasses of Absinth and we all just sit around and talk for 2 hours!!! I was in freaking heaven!!! Then when we had to leave (15min ago) Matt Invited me to go to the Interpol Show with him tomorrow!! he Said that I could come chill with him anytime while theyre on tour!!!

So anyway... I basicly had the best day of my life!!! im so stoked right now you have no idea!!! Anyway, thought Id share!! Weather you leave love or not.... Im so stoked!!

LATE!
Kelly K

BLOG 8: Jacksonville FL.

Ok well…Its been quite sometime… I think, since Ive written anything new. So I thought I would take a few minuets and update everyone.

Well after New Mexico We did 3 Texas Dates. Which was awesome! But only due to the fact that I got to see my Brother, Toni, Paige, David and Nichole!! They all came to the Dallas show. My brother is a HUGE Red Jumpsuit fan so It felt really good to get to introduce him to the band and let him watch the show from the stage. Ive always wanted to do something for him that he would really appreciate… Toni and Paige even hung out with me after the show. I took them on my bus, showed them around and then just left them at the BBQ for 20 min while I went and took one my coveted showers! Word…. But the best part was after that, I walked them to their car and when they were gonna give me a ride back we decided to stop at McDonalds… We were in the drive through, it took us 20 min to get what wanted across to the lady. We finally pull around, She hands us like a whole extra meal that we didn’t order, but yet I apid for and THEN…..then we asked for some sweet and sour sauce. She gave us 2. Paige said… Can we have some more please?? And she says… in quite a bitchy tone….You know we charge for dose…. So I get pissed because in my mind… 2 more sauces isn’t a big deal… So I ask, how much are they?? She says 27 cents. So I say… well, Ill take $4 worth… And she says, “ you want a who??” h aha! So she sits there for a min counting out an entire bag of sauce for us, hands it to us, says nothing and slams the window…. Ha ha ha! Good times….

Anyway, When we got to Houston, It was raining all morning. But we only cancel shows if there is lightening. Well, it showed up to. I had just unloaded my first truck when they decided to cancel the show. So we load all the gear right back into the truck. And its stops raining. The comes out and it’s a beautiful day. I was pissed. So we had the day off, BUT we were supposed to have 2 days off in a row then start the 12 days in a row… But because we canceled the show, we had to stay the next day and do the show in doors! Which meant, only 1 day off before the 12 days…. Lame. The indoor show was ok, pretty loud, but not bad. I got to see that Matches that day. They played on my stage. That was my first time to go from work mode to Oh my God, im a fan…. I went up to the singer and introduced myself, told him what I did on tour … and then I asked him what songs they were gonna do…. He said, Do you need that from all the bands?? I was like, no, Im just a fan and I was wondering what songs you were gonna play! Ha! So he tells me what theyre gonna play and I start asking why they aren’t playing all my favorite songs…. He just says, Dude, im just glad you know my songs! ….. So I dug that. It made my day worth while.

We did Atlanta yesterday, where I got to meet the fat kid from Accepted and Knocked Up!!! He was out promoting the new movie Super Bad and I got to on his bus and chill with him for a min….Yeah, I mad him say Smasmorshin like a billion times!! Ha!

Today was 1 of 4 days in Florida… Yeah, Florida sucks. I was in Jacksonville today and dude… it was so hot. I think the hottest I have EVER been in my life… you just sweat all day. Its horrible. And all this work and dirt and sweat is making it hard for my tattoo to heal!! Oh yeah, I got a tour tattoo! Ha! On Friday the 13^th, since it is the 13^th Warped tour, and the stage I work is called “13” a bunch of us got “13” tattoos. So, yeah… its not wanting to heal properly and It makes me mad…. Anyway, I think ive written enough for one night. Im quite ready for bed. But, I will write more soon and I hope to talk to you all….. or most of you… hehe, soon!

Late!
Kelly K

Oh, and here are some pictures from along the way....

BLOG 7: Los Cruces NM.

Well, Im in Los Cruces NM right now… Its 10:44am here… I just got my stage set up and My first 3 bands backlined and I thought id take my extra time to write to you! Word!!

Dude, yesterday we were in Arizona…. I kid you not, in my trailer it was 130 degrees!!! Its bad when the highlight of your day is a shower… We had AMAZING showers last night! I’ve come to appreciate the finer things in life…. Such as showers, water, Beds, and fruit…. These are things Ill never take for granted again!

Last night I got no sleep. None at all… and you wanna know why??? Cause I kept dreaming that I had to fit all of Red Jumpsuits gear into my bunk. So I kept rolling over and moving around thinking I had to fit gear in there with me. And its like…. At certain points I KNEW I was dreaming… but I just couldn’t wake myself up and think my way out of it! Lame!! I tell you what… If ANY of you ask me to help you move when I get home, or pack a truck…. Forget it!!! Im already tired of packing trucks! Ha! Ill come over and help you stay put. Ill just sit there and make sure you don’t start loading things into a truck… I like that way better….

Well, sorry I don’t have any crazy story’s yet today…. But ill hit you all with more later… Im gonna go to work now!

Late!

Kelly K

BLOG 6: Albuquerque NM

So…today is a day off in New Mexico and I am really digging not doing anything!!! We had a show in Denver yesterday… yeah…. We got rained on… It was pretty brutal. We had to cover everything with plastic and the shows got pushed back later… The crowd was pretty funny… they just stood there in the rain screaming, “Rain or shine!!” I was like… yeah, ok…. Ill just stand here and not get wet and you keep looking like idiots… and they did.

I do have a funny story though to tell you all about Canada that I forgot to tell you!! Ok, so out of all the people I work with on a day to day basis… The techs for Coheed piss me off the most… Theyre just weird dudes.. I don’t know how else to put it… Well, One of them wasn’t supposed to go to Canada… apparently he didn’t something wrong last time he was there and he wasn’t supposed to go back… Well, I guess he REALLY wanted back in… Heres what he did. Right before the border he climbs ON TOP of their tour bus… he then waits there, 5 HOURS baking in the sun trying to hide from the Border guards… well, they obviously see him….but they let him just sit up there and cook. Well, after the five hours, they let the bus into Canada. So hes probably thinking hes like the smartest guy ever!! Then, half a mile down the road the bus gets pulled over by the border guards and they pull out a ladder and climb on top. Coheeds guy ask them what are they gonna do, and they tell him… Nothing…..If you run all the way back to the US right now…. HA! So the dude, jumps off the bus, and runs all the way back!!! WHAT AN IDIOT!!! Ha ha ha!! I was wondering where he was during those shows…..

Well, tomorrow is one more day off then we do 5 days straight… That sounds rough but after the 5 days, we have ONE day off then do 12 days straight!! That’s gonna be killer!! Anyway, If youre planning to come to the dallas show, please let me know soon. I have a lot of people that are supposed to be coming and I need to know how many to put on the guest list. That show is this Saturday by the way….

Well, I appreciate you all checking these and leaving love. IT makes me feel good to know that I have people at home who care what I do! Thank you! It feels like Ive been out here for about 3 months…. And Im not even close to being done… I cant wait to see whats around the next corner!!

Late!
Kelly K

BLOG 5: Butte Montana

Ok, well, I cant really remember where I left off on my last blog so….. I guess ill just start….. here.

This was my first time to leave the country, and when I first got here all I could think was… wow, Canada sucks!! BUT.. I take that back now after today. When we first got here we had a show in Vancouver, It wasn’t that bad, kinda wet but we didn’t really get rained on, so it wasn’t that bad. I’ve gotten WAY better at my job and I’m actually starting to have a good time with it. Today we had a day off in Jasper… Oh lordt!! Go to Jasper!!! Jasper is the most gorgeous place I have ever been!! Its ridiculous how pretty it is here.!

We pulled in around 11am and I hooked up with these kats, Large, Minh,and Frankie… We get a shuttle into town and find this pub called “Earls”. Were sittin there drinking Stellas and we see these 2 local girls sitting on the patio. So, Large says that Frankie and I should go talk to them… So we do. Frankie just keeps telling them how we work on the warped tour and how cool we are… blah blah… they don’t seem to interested in us, which I don’t blame them AT ALL…. So we go back in and sit down…. Then Our waiter brings me and Frankie 2 shots from those girls! Ha ha! So the 4 of us end up going out and sitting with them and they tell us about where they work and how theres an awesome sushi place there…. So that night we go out and have THE BEST Sushi I have ever eaten in my life!! It was a pretty rad day all in all… Those girls are gonna try to come to one of the shows when we get to Canada in august I guess… I don’t know… talk to Frankie…

Anyway, I wrote those last 2 paragraphs 2 days ago.. Im kinda jumping around and Im sorry for that!! Its way crazier out here than I thougt it would be! You don’t always have time to do things or to finsh things that you start… my bad….

We had a show yesterday in Calgary…. And I hated it… worst show so far… Its just Canadians I think…. But today was a day off in Butte Montana…. Home of Evil Kanevil (Sp?) But yeah…. This place is pretty hook too… Im ready to get into some states and or towns that actually have somthin goin on…. However, it was a great day… I just chilled and pretty much did nothing… And it was amazing!! Its good to have the internet back and to be able to use my phone!!

OH!! Funny story for you all… my favorite from the tour so far…. So everyday, I have about 4 guys who work under me. I tell them what to do, and they do it…. Well, one of my guys was chillin with me while we had a second to do so… and looks at me and says, “So, how long have you been sober?” Me, having no clue as to what hes talking about…. I reply, “All freaking day!!!” HA! He said Oh, well, I saw that it says this too shall pass on your arm so I figured you were in AA!!! WHAT!!!! I had no idea that had anything to do with AA! I was like, oh my bad hommie!!! I bet he thought I was some freakin Crazy alcoholic… (like KYLE WARD who probably isn’t even reading this….)

Anyway… I thought that was pretty funny….So tomorrow is SLC Utah, I hope it’s a good day… Im getting the hang of it now… I don’t dread it every day… I am however not looking forward to the 12 shows in a row we have coming up!!! That’s gonna be Killer… So, until next time…

LATE!
Kelly K

BLOG 4: San Francisco

Ok, so yesterday was amazing….. But really only for one reason…. The Vandals!!! They decided to only do ONE show… Lame, and they moved them to the other main stage!!!! So I didn’t even think I was gonna get to see them at all! But I checked their set time so that when it was coming up, I had my guys that work for me bust their asses hella hard and we finished loading my band pretty quick. So I got to go watch them play like 5 songs. It was awesome!! When they played Oi to the World the whole place turned into one huge circle pit! It was amazing to watch…. Oh, then they had the Drummer from Pennywise come out and play “My Girlfriends Dead” with them…. Freaking amazing!

Other than that though, everything has been getting way better. Im learning the routine of things and Im getting used to the long hours and hard work. Im not, however, getting used to waking up not knowing where I am….Trying to find the main stage…. Then at night walking around for 30mins looking for my damn bus!! Yeah, that’s daily for me….. So, I guess im starting to get into it, but I really wonder how Im gonna feel after a month! I do know home is gonna be lookin pretty sweet come August!!

Also… I want you all to know, If ANY of you wanna come to a show and come chill with me, I would love to have you out! You can come watch the shows from on the stage, which is way better than fighting the crowd…. Anyway, check www.warpedtour.com for dates and let me know 2 days in advance that you wanna come and let me know how many guests youre gonna bring! WORD!!!

Well, today is my day off and were driving to Canada… I just woke up and this was the first thing I did… so I think im gonna watch a movie or somthin…..If any of you wanna call, today would be the day… Ill be on a bus, I can answer….

LATE!

Kelly K

BLOG 3: VENTURA

Are you guys tired of these yet????? Today was by far better than yesterday. Still an extremely hard work day, but I got through it without think Ill probably be dieing soon! ha!

We did however, have someone die today. It was kind of buzz kill for everyone working on the tour. Some guy I guess had a heat attack during the Circle Jerks show. Sad really. I gues he was like 40 and had a pacemaker and stuff though, so at least he went out having a good time.

Oh, on a better note, if you ever get the chance I HIGHLY recommend you all go see Kill Switch Engage live.... Wow, those guys are amazing! Im glad they're on my stage! I have never in my life seen a band put so much energy into their show. Oh and check this, probably one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life! Killswitch is on and we have a bunch of VIPs standing at the back of the stage.... well, on the last song we make everyone clear the stage so that the band can come off uninterrupted.... Ok, so thats what were doing.... were clearing the stage. (let me just say, that the stage is about 7ft off the ground, then 5ft out is security and a barricade) .....so were clearing the stage.... Then all of a sudden some HUGE guy (made me look small) Runs through us, hits the guitar player and TRYS to jump out into the crowd. Clearing the security and barricade floating like a feather through the air as the crowd cheers and catches him!!! But thats not what happened at all. Hommie jumps, but not far, Goes right in-between two security guards that have no idea hes comming and lands belly first on the metal barricade....his face followed promptly! HA HA HA!! I about died!! then the guitar player turns to me (while playing) And says who was that??? I said I have no idea.... and he just said... Eh, LA.....

So, I guess that was the high point of my day.... that or the shower I just took on my bus where you can only use an ounce of water... Im not sure yet what was better...

Anyway, that was my day... sorta.... But tomorrow Ill be in Sanfrancisco then a day off.... If I begin to bore you, stop reading....But ill try to space these out from now on.....

LATE!
Kelly K

I wrote this on June 30th but couldnt post it due to the internet on our bus not working.... sorry for the late post.

BLOG 2: STILL PAMONA

Well, ok... Today was our first show day. Lets say i was definately excited when i woke up to go and get this started. BUT, it was not what I had hoped to be at all!!

First, my stage has 9 bands on it, Red Jupsuit, Killswitch Engage, Chiodos, Paramore, Cute is what we aim for, The Vandals, Funeral for a friend, Circa Survive, and Coheed. Ok, so heres what I do.... I load each bands gear on stage, then when theyre finished, I load there stuff into the back of a simi and have 3 other guys help me stack the gear 12ft high. but then I only get 25ft long of the simi for band gear. I have to do this all in 30min so that I can do the same thing with the next band......and so on and so forth.....

Lets just say, i started working at 8:30am and finished around 10:30pm. I drank 36 bottles of water and didnt have to use the restroom once. from 10am to 11:30pm I didnt sit down at all. I did, however, forget all about my sunburns... that was the least of my concerns today. The show though, did go amazing. Nothing crazy happend, all the bands got on and off on time... I mean, it was a good day. Well, except for the fact my feet hurt so bad i can barely walk and we have to do it all again tomorrow.....

Im gonna be honest in saying this.... I HAVE NEVER WORKED THIS HARD A DAY IN MY LIFE!! Dad, if youre reading this.... Youre right... Im a slacker! ha ha!!! I should have helped you build all those things you asked me to help you with while I was growing up... then Maybe i would get whats goin on here and wouldnt be contemplating killing myself to get out of it!!! (joke.....but seriosuly....)

Anyway, Our bus leaves in about 3 hours to head to Ventura, so Im gonna try and get some sleep. If my hands still function tomorrow, Ill try to write again.... 2 more shows then a day off!!! (How pathetic am I?)

LATE!
Kelly K

BLOG 1: PAMONA CA.

Well, Im gonna try and write a little bit to let you all know whats going on... but to be quite honest with you, Ive never been this tired in my whole life.......

I got into Pamona yesterday around 3pm and went straight to the busses... there I met all of 3 people out of the 800,000 around me. (Not quite as nice as I thought everyone would be) Its pretty much like summer camp...and Im the new guy. So, i sat at picnic table for about 4 hrs untill i was givin a hotel room where I could take a shower. So after a mile and a half walk to the hotel, I take a shower and prepare to walk back down to the fairgrounds....fun. I get back to my bus, climb into my bunk wich is about 1 and half feet tall, 2 and a hlaf feet wide and 6 feet long, and fell asleep by 10pm. pretty much a blah of a first day.

Today I got up at 8am and went to find where my stage would be. Once the stage was set up I waited for each of my 9 bands to show to help them unload their gear. then we set up tents for each of the bands behind the stage. Doesnt sound like a lot of work, BUT i didnt get finished till about 9 this evening. there was a party at 7, but i seemed to have worked right through that. SO, bottom line, Im completly sunburnt, tired, sore, and delerious. And tomorrow starts day 1.

So, i dont know if any of this made since at all, or if its horrible.....im just tired so Im about out. Just wanted to leave you all with somthin.... Ill write with more detail next time when im not so dead. Its really quite awesome out her....

Later,
Kelly K

I wanna be an A-List Celeb too!!!

Ok, So everyone is doing this "Celebrity Look-a-Like" Thing now... So I'm not gonna lie.... it gets me thinking, "I wonder what "hot" Celebrity I look like!....Maybe this is my chance to show the LADIES how hot I REALLY am!!"

So I go check it out like any "NORMAL" person would. Now it says to upload a picture.... I do... I click the "Recognize Face" Button... Then it tells me to sign up for an account..... LAME!!! In most situations like this, and I mean 99% of the time, when I'm asked to sign up I give it the ol F-U and X out of that scam of a website.....

But not today....No, today I was on a mission, I WILL know what A-List Celeb I look like!!! So I sign up...

Well, ok, Im a member now! Under a false name and fake email address they let me in! (What kinda gank ass website doesn't validate your email... ha ha, suckers....)

Upload time! I upload my picture.....I can hardly wait to get the results!!! Im so excited! This will be a life changing day for me I just know it!!!

AND THE RESLUT IS.......



KELLY OSBORNE???? Really?? I mean, Yeah I get that we have the same first name and all... but REALLY?? Don't get me wrong.... I love Ozzy! And if it had said I was close to the Prince of Darkness himself...I would have been stoked!!! but nope.... Kelly Osborne. The Princess of Ugly....

So let me try this again... Maybe I just picked the wrong picture... perhaps I shouldn't get discouraged yet... Yeah, a new picture!!! Lets try this again!!!



OHHHHhhhhh, Yeah, Of course!!!! Why didn't I see it every morning when I looked in the mirror!!!! Anna Kournikova!!! No wonder guys are always trying to buy me shots and take me home every night from the club!!!! Wow, what a relief... Im not a Kelly Osborne Look-a-Like!!! But you know what... why cant it say I look like a DUDE?! I mean, I AM one and everything.... Maybe its the hair... Maybe I threw it off with my BEAUTIFUL blonde hair that it just felt required to say I looked like Anna... Yeah, I don't wanna cheat the system.... Perhaps another picture....



Um...................... Yeah. Mary Kate Olsen??? .....I mean, if I HAVE to be an Olsen twin why couldn't I have at least been Ashley??? This is not going the way I had planned. I wanted to see how much I looked like Matt Damon or Ed Norton... Not the freakin Olsen Twins!!! I mean, how many ladies will dig this line..."Hey baby, wanna come back to my place and see how closely I resemble the Olsen Twins...I cant wait to show you MY Full House...." Yeah, No.

Ok, Last try. If I'm not looking like Ryan Gosling after this one, I quit!!! I cant take this kinda of sick humor and rejection this website has decided to taunt me with!!! Last Picture...


YES!! SCORE!!! I finally look like a guy!!! Oh, wait.... No I don't.... I'm that lame girl from The Fifth Element....WHY! WHY LORD!!! Why couldn't it have at least been like some funny fat guy?? I'd deal with that... Jack Black?? Heck yeah! But nope. I get Kelly Osborne.... John Belushi?? Nope, Anna Kournikova... Ill even take Drew Carrey!!! But they stick me with Mary Kate Olsen!!!!

My day feels like a complete waste now... I'm a failure... I guess Ill never get to be a hot A List Celeb..... Sigh...

My advice to all of you, is stay away from myheritage.com. It will only break your hearts.....

LATER!
Kelly K

What the Hell?!?

As I sit thinking about my day and perhaps just the world in general... it brings me to the question.....What the hell?!?!?

Such as....

1) Hey, you in the Jaguar! What the hell makes you think that having a more expensive car than me gives you the right to pull out into traffic in front of me and then immediately hit your breaks because you want to turn into the Starbucks parking lot at 8:50 a.m?

I took the driving test to get my license in the great state of Oklahoma, and I don't recall the part of the drivers' guide that details how right of way is determined by price of vehicle. However, I do remember the part about using the little lights on the corners of your car to show in which direction you intend to turn.

2) What kind of awesome mirrors must fat girls in skimpy outfits own? I mean, damn, do you think you look good when you leave the house with a size 5 top gripping hold of your size 16 belly!!!


What the hell is wrong with these girls who prance around with their stomachs hanging out over the tops of their pants? You'd think you'd want to hide that, wouldn't you? You'd think you'd want to cover that up with a nice big sweater. But you don't. You want to let that belly button roam free, swaying from side to side as it points directly at the ground.

I mean dang... I know I cant wear tight little Hollister shirts....So I dont! No worries!!!

3) What the hell makes people think that walking directly behind someone else is going to make them walk faster? Walking back from lunch today, this dude's right behind us, flip-flops flapping cranked to 11.... You know, there's a good sized area on either side of our group where you can walk by. Shuffling along, two inches behind, is not going to make me walk any faster.


4) The song by Hinder that begins with the line "I think you can do much better than me." It always reminds me that yes I can, and I change the station. What the hell kind of opening line is that?

5) So you graduated from university. Awe-SOME! Now it's time to get a job with all that accumulated knowledge that you paid out the ass for. You can get a job just about anywhere now. It needn't be a stellar, career-setting occupation to start with. Just start browsing Monster for things you're qualified to do. And you never know, you might get lucky and actually find something great.....

But oh.... Why the sad face? Why the depressed blog entries? Why the bemoaning of capitalism, federalism, fate, private enterprise, individualism and gasoline? Why the penniless bank account and mattress in brother's garage? WHY ARE YOU ON MYSPACE AND NOT ON CRAIGSLIST!

Sitting on your butt and listening to "Waiting On The World To Change" means that your unemployment is your own fault. So you decided (in all your nineteen year old wisdom) to major in Fine Arts. Dumb choice, yeah, but there are always jobs. Assistant to the Assistant Deputy Advertising Intern at the Puget Sound Flyer. Whatever. There's only one thing I know to be true and this is it: leaving tragic "status" messages on Facebook and crying about adulthood on myspace isn't helping. You have a degree. Use it. What the Hell.... ( I guess I kind of went off a bit on that one....my bad!)

Anyway, In conclusion... let just call today... "WHAT THE HELL" Day.....

Sigh...

LATE!
Kelly K

The Fair: A Great American Raping

Who, you might ask, am I going to hate on today? Who has annoyed me so much that I must write and rant on the subject? Well, I'll tell you! The freakin' fair! or Carnival, or circus..... Or maybe even not the places themselves, but perhaps the people that go to them.

Let's look here, and I apologize ahead of time if I step on anyone's toes..... First off, they bring this "Big Ol Fair" to YOUR town! WOODOO! They come and take over YOUR mall parking lot with their 4 exciting "THRILL" rides, 3 kiddy rides, and their ferris wheel, which is almost big enough to see over the mall! (But not quite.) They bring these "joys of life" to you for your enjoyment, and your enjoyment ONLY!

Yeah, or to rape you.

They set up little games to play! How fun! Throw a ball at the bottles! Knock them down and win a PRIZE! The only problem here is you just paid $5 to throw a ball at some rigged bottles that aren't gonna fall over, even if God decided to knock them down, and you just got a "PRIZE" worth about $.50! Yeah, wonderful way to spend those 5 bones! Oh, but you were paying for the experience? Well, come to my house, I'll set up some bottles, Throw a ball....the bottles will fall, you'll have the experience, and I only charge $3! Now that's a fun time!

And how about these wonderful thrill rides they ever so lovingly bring to us.... Yeah, let's look at them.... Ok, so it takes tickets to ride. Let's go buy tickets. $20 for 20 tickets! Awesome! That's like at least 10 rides, right? I mean, there's no way they can charge over $2 per ride....right?

Nope. Let's go ride the Spinning Wheel of Doom! Yeah, that sounds fun! Oh, 8 tickets? Well, ok, this ride looks scary AND fun! I'll pay 8 tickets for that! We ride and ride and ride for about 90 seconds at amazing speeds of over 5MPH! YES YES Y-E-S YES!!! That was SOOOooooo worth 8 of my hard earned dollars! I worked an hour at my job to spin in a circle for a minute and a half! Again, come to my house and I'll put you in my BEAUTIFUL white, 98 Ford Mustang and drive you in circles for 5 minutes going at least 30mph and only again charge $3!

Now let's look at the ever so lovely people at the fair... we all know they set up these wonderful places for your blue collar, white, inbred American family. So here we have Joe Mechanic and the Stay at Home wife, Overweight Son 1 and 2, and the "I'm way to cool and Goth to be at the fair" daughter. Now this Joker makes roughly, and this is going out on a limb, $30,000 a year. Here they are for the "Time of their Life"!

They pay $5 a piece to get in the door, $60 in tickets for the kiddos, and at least $50 on food they could have gotten anywhere else for $10. Not to mention the $100 they spent on games. And since the kids are America's finest, they won nothing. Not to mention 2 of the kids were fat, so they couldn't ride any of the rides and the tickets are non refundable....nice. This "average" family easily dropped $250 on dang near NOTHING! Now add this up with all the great American families at the fair. What do you have?? A good ol' fashioned ASS RAPING! The fair is raping you! And you keep wanting to go again and again!

And then what do they do? Come to your town 4 more times that year with a different name... Oh, you went to the fair, you say??? How about the CARNIVAL! No? What about the CIRCUS! Ok, you say the circus is different, they have animals! Yeah, half dead animals that walk in a circle, praying to be put out of their misery. You could have saved the $10 admittance and gone to the zoo on 50 cent Wednesday!

So, there you have it. I hate fairs, carnivals, the circus, and let's go ahead and say petting zoos too, 'cause we ALL know that's a RIP! I mean, shoot, again, come to my house, give me $3, and feed me food! It's way more entertaining, AND I'll even throw in a bit of conversation!

Whatever....

LATE!
Kelly K

HEY FATTY!!

Ok, Let me you help you out here.....

Avoid social embarrassment by memorizing this handy list of what you can and can't do if you're a fat kid in high school.

Welcome to high school, Chubby! Even though you're fat and undoubtedly have low self esteem and virtually no athletic ability, your numerous stomach rolls shouldn't limit the fun you can have for the next four years. Because I care about you and your social well being, I've assembled a guide of what you can and can't do throughout high school; that way, you won't have to figure them out the hard way.

If you memorize this list and heed my advice, then who knows, you might just get voted Jolliest Fat Kid your senior year. And we all know that everyone loves the jolly fat kid!!!

Ok, here we go!!

Can't be: a cheerleader


Can be: a baton twirler


Can't: join the basketball team


Can: squeegee the court


Can't: be in the school play


Can: help build the set


Can't play: the flute


Can play: the tuba


Can't join: the French club


Can join: the German club


Can't do: hurdles


Can do: shotput


Can't: get a date to Homecoming


Can: vote for the Homecoming queen


Can't hang out with: the Abercrombie crowd


Can hang out with: the Hot Topic crowd


Can't get detention for: trying to make out in the hallway


Can get detention for: trying to make off with a double helping of waffles on Breakfast for Lunch Day in the cafeteria


Can't get invited to: a popular kid's kegger when his parents are out of town


Can get invited to: your friend's LAN party when his parents are upstairs



So there ya go guys!! I've just saved your life. Put this list in your locker, keep it close to you, and remember.....even though youre fat, you can have fun!!!

LATE!
Kelly K

Kelly K Day!!!

So, In looking at a calender, Ive noticed that there are many days with peoples name attached to them... Such as Columbus day, Martin Luther King day, St Patrick's Day, and then not to mention Mothers day and Fathers day, Earth day, Presidents day, and then the ever popular, April Fools Day.... Now at looking at all these days i was thinkin, What do you have to do to get a day?? I want a day!!! Yeah, me, Kelly K should have a DAY! But i don't want it to be some overlooked day of minor importance... no sir... So as i dive deeper in thought of what DAY should be mine, I finally settle on Dec. 25th.

Yeah, Dec 25th, Kelly K day!!! We all open presents eat good food, hang out with family and friends!! ahh, what a day to commemorate me!!! Ok ok ok, now I know what you're thinkin and yeah, ok, i guess i am too... Kelly K day being on Dec 25th would be a little sacraligious.... Ok, lets X that out....

Next choice, without stepping on to many toes would Obviously be Oct 31st. Yep, Oct 31st, Kelly K Day!!! Everyone would dress up like me, Hoodie, shorts, and OU hats for all!!! Then we would all go door to door and get candy from our neighbors and say, Kelly K Wants Some candy!!! ah yes, the elderly would chuckle as they poor handfuls of candy into your brown sack with my face on it! (provided for free from your local neighborhood Wal-Mart) What a great day!!!! But wait....Maybe this isn't the best day for me... I wouldn't want all these people to know the power or greatness of being me!!! even if its only for a day!!! yeah, nope, bad plan.....Scratch out Oct. 31st.....

Choice "C"...... How about not just one set day.... yeah, how about the 4th Thursday of every November!!! yeah!! keep people on there toes! Kelly K Day, The 4th Thursday of every November!! People will all get together and cook LARGE meals and sit with each other and Discus how great Ive been in each oh their lives.... then they could all watch football or somthin... Yeah! good day! good plan!!....but thats no good, who wants a Holiday on a Thursday EVERY year....I mean, I want Kelly K Day to fall on Saturday at least ONCE!!! Ok, bad call.....NEXT!

Alright, Ive got it, the perfect day. July 4th!!! Yes sir, Kelly K day will be July 4th!!! See, what Ive done here is taken a Holiday that has lost all meaning to anyone, that involves fire and explosions, and is known for being THE most FUN holiday ever!!! Yep, On July 4th, Kelly K day, we will blow things up and light things on fire, swim at public pools, eat hot dogs, and lay on blankets in parks and watch even more BIGGER Explosions!!! yes yes yes!! Good idea, But i guess I cant take all the credit, I really need to thank this Country that had a day to celebrate how great it was to live here in a free country, then over the years make people so ungrateful because of the freedom they have, that they don't even recognize or care about the true meaning of the day!!! As long as they can eat and blow stuff up, I'm sure they will be happy to celebrate July 4th in my name!!!

So that settles it, July 4th, is now unofficially, OFFICIALLY Kelly K Day!!!! Now go out there and celebrate with pride!!!

LATE
Kelly K <---- (He has his own day!)

Tattoos and Burritos...

So heres the deal.... When someone asks to look at or compliments your tattoos, Its not because they like yours, Its because they want to show you theirs! I guarantee this!! This issue is what leads us into our story....

Mikey and I decide to stop in the ol' Town and Country last night on the way home to get some burritos. (because we all know those are the best burritos on the planet!) Anyway, this is just another "Normal" stop in T&C for us, I juggle some lemons, Mikey puts some bananas on his head....you know, the normal things that you do.... Well, we order our burritos (and a Chimi!) and we go to the register to pay...

Well, the guy ringing us up gives us the total and I start to pay him and he says, Hey man, Nice work on your arm there......Now, I already know where he's going with this. So I say thanks and just stare at him without saying another word. Sure enough he says......Yeah....Mine aren't that nice... Now, since I already know the routine and Im kinda annoyed about it.. I say, oh, do you have some prison ink?? Well, he lifts up his sleeve and I see THE WORST tattoo ever!!! Hes got like an oddly shaped Dice (or die I guess it would be..) with FTW under or behind it.... I don't know, I couldn't tell.Oh, but it doesn't stop there, I say, "Wow, Looks like you tried to get a little cover up there" Cause to ME it looked like he tried to cover the FTW with the die... But Mikey just plainly states, "Looks like a die with FTW in it!" To which the clerk replies, "YEAH! IT IS!" then he proceeds to tell us he got it done in the back of a truck going 90mph by a friend with a guitar string while he was stoned..... So of course I'm HELLA impressed and I wanna be this guys best friend because hes SO COOL!!! no......

So then he decides to show me the rest of his tattoos.... and for the life of me, I cant figure out why every loser stoner with a crappy job who looks 30 years older then they are ALWAYS has a TAZ tattoo.....and low and behold...tattoo number 2......TAZ. I think to myself....Typical. This is his best tattoo by far. Now if i had this thing on my arm, i would have shot the fool that lied about being good at tattoos... But Clerk Boy here seemed to like it. Then he told me this one was done at home by his brother with a guitar sting... Now does this dude REALLY think Im Impressed?? So i say, "dang dude, you need to get some REAL art or somthin!!!" He Just smiles and points to his knuckles (which is already a pretty trashy place to get tattoos, Unless you're Ozzy or play in Rancid) So his Knuckles say something like "LONG" Or whatever. And they look.......rough to say the least. I kinda cringe when i see it. And then he says, "Yeah, this one was done with a hypodermic needle and some ink!" Im Like woah!!! Hey "AIDS" don't touch My burrito!!! Dang!! This fool has gotta be contagious!!! Im gonna say this is the most UNCLEAN dude I have ever met, and he was totally stoked about that!!!! All I know is that HIV boy is NOT allowed to serve me food EVER!!!

So, in conclusion.....don't ask me to see my tattoos unless you really wanna see em......Cause I really dont care about yours!!

LATE
Kelly K

Mic Check???

I'm a fairly competent, semi-professional musician. I've been playing guitar for years, and know what things are supposed to sound like when playing live with a band. My band played some pretty decent shows and we had a decent following...

So..... why do I inevitably get the moron on the mixing board who went to the local audio/visual college who's tonedeaf, squints a lot, and has a soul patch? And from what I can tell, quite a few musicians are having the same troubles.

Admittedly, these people work pretty hard and spend a lot of money to get the "degree" that they have. But I think I know why they are all as useful musically as Helen Keller....... and not like Beethoven.

Number One. Not everyone is competent or has an ear for music. Attending a 14 month college to become a sound technician doesn't mean that you're ready to help produce The Alkaline Trio's new album. Just because you know what button to press and what level things are technically supposed to be at doesn't mean that you know what level my guitar is supposed to be in relation to the rest of the instruments during our third song. I'm supposed to tell you that! You're supposed to listen to me!

Why would you cut the level of my guitar at the chorus? Are you nuts?

Numero Dos. These "colleges" compress a roughly 3 year degree program into about 14 months. They have STRANGE hours for their classes and labs. They basically shove these people against the wall, force feeding crap into their brains so that they literally crap information about the newest Mackie 24 channel mixers out of their mouths! When these people get out, they are excited and come to the gig feeling like they know EXACTLY what they are doing, even though the only live performance they've done is their final at the college. If I hear one more of them talking about how now they want to set up a studio in their apartment, I may have to start carrying a gun to put them out of their misery.......

Number Three. They secretly hate the fact that I'm on stage and they are not. I know, I know.... Your parents bought you a guitar for Christmas five years ago, and you SWORE to yourself that you would get a band together and be the next... I don't know... The Edge from U2. (They're popular again, right, iPod lovers?) It's not your fault that you just don't have the drive or the ability to get people to listen to your latest rendition of "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" from Drowning Pool. But why must you punish me? Why, my little tech, why?

And finally, I realize that there's nothing I can do. These guys come cheap. The bar and club owners want to make money, and they could probably give these people a few beers and a churro and they might even forget they were supposed to get paid for this job. And the owners don't trust the bands to run the sound equipment, so I can't even correct it myself.....sigh.....

Maybe I should write a song about it and play it at our next show... while eating a churro.....

LATE!
Kelly K

Did you know that Douchetones doesn't set off my spell checker?

State Of The Music Industry

Ok....First of all Why is the music business ALA record labels having problems. Most say it is Stealing Downloads which is def. a big part of the equation. If you Steal music you should be shot and hung. Not only is it costing record companies money but it has also cost artist tons of money because record company money flows to artist. No Rec company money, no artist money. ya dig? Not to mention that the Big 12 of Labels has dwindled to the big 3 soon to be big 2. What does that do you ask? That means about 4 people are gonna decide which bands will get signed and promoted which will in turn limit our choices on music and exposure to bands worldwide. But that is just the beginning

The biggest problem with the music (record) industry is the fact that you have these so called A&R guys (that is the people that find talent) that are to busy trying to be cool and signing stupid bands that no one outside of LA or NY or the UK give a rats butt about. We manage Nickelback, maybe not the hippest band on the block but they have sold 20 million records and sell out arena's. Will the Arctic Monkeys do that? Uh don't think so. See these LA and NY guys forget that there are 48 other states in this Good ole US of A that buys music. The industry calls it the Fly over zone. When they find bands that tap into that market then that band usually sells records, lots of them. Maybe one day these people will get that before it is to late.

LATER,

Kelly K

Dear, Car In Front of me...

Go, man. Just go. Forward. Move forward. Don't be scared. You can do it. People do it all the time. There's people doing it all over the city, even now as we sit here. Am I part of some anti-forward protest and I don't know it? Are you sleeping? Are you checking your email? I could have disassembled my car, climbed over yours dragging the parts in my mouth one-by-one, and reassembled it in front of you faster than this. We've been here so long I forgot where I was going. Maybe you are confused about the pedal system on your floorboard. Take a look at this diagram:

Seems like maybe you hate progress. Don't live in the past bro! Take the next step and pull out of this driveway oasis. Don't be afraid of change. If there weren't so many people behind me, I would back out, turn around, and drive the opposite direction around the planet!

Does sitting in a motionless car burn calories? Are you trying to say I'm fat? Are you waiting for everyone to get to their destination and then pull forward? That is incredibly polite, but you are chasing an impossible dream my man!! There will always be cars. You have to select a space in-between them and introduce your giant SUV into the flow of traffic!

Maybe you could hum the theme from Karate Kid for inspiration. Sometimes you have to sweep the leg. Please go. I tried to move your car through telekinesis, but I think I might have popped a blood vessel in my eye. You know, eventually the rubber in your tires will disintegrate. Then where will you be? I know where you'll be..... RIGHT FREAKING HERE!

When the monkeys take over, I hope they kill you first.


LATE
Kelly K

Waste My Day

It seems Ive seen this way before, we act dis contagious. But I'm not running anymore, when life gets outrageous. You bide your time by getting by, falling in weakness. I waste my time to wonder why, cause I cant believe this. At sudden times I've hit the floor, I'm turning the pages. Its not funny anymore, the fits and the rages. I bide my time by getting by, Cause I've done and seen this. I'm wasting time, I wonder why, cause I have believed this. Could you waste my day here anymore? I don't wanna take it. And I'm not at play here anymore. Makes no since to fake it. Thoughts have changed, I've rearranged. Now I have a vision. I fought the thoughts back till I'm sane. Now I'm on a mission. You breathe, you bide, you're slipping by, your image is weakness. You're wasting time here by my side, but now I can see this. Could you waste my day here anymore? I don't wanna take it, I'm not at play here anymore makes no since to fake it. Could you waste my day here anymore? i don't wanna take it. I'm not at play here anymore makes no since to fake it. I've done my time now leave me alone. Committed no crime so I break these chains, I'm free. If passions a crime then throw me a bone. Ive done nothing wrong so please get away, get away, get away, from me. Could you waste my day here anymore? I don't wanna take it. and I'm not at play here anymore, I don't wanna fake it.


Late,
Kelly K

Drama with Capitol C...

Ok, so heres what I've learned. When massive amounts of drama follow someone....like, they always have an excuse for you due to some insane situation involving them or friends.... yeah, its not REALLY drama... Its called LIES! I cant stand it! Just tell me the freaking truth! Ill appreciate the honesty a lot more! Yeah, it may not be fun to hear but at least i can deal with it! Dont use me for my money, my friends, my "hook-ups" whatever.....Dont use me, dont lie to me. Just say hey Kelly, I dont REALLY like you but i want all you have to offer...... That'll make more since to me!!! HA! And to think I just thought you were hard to read! HARD TO READ, MY ASS!!!! I couldn't read you or figure you out because you were full of lies!!! And to think i wasted MY time on YOU. Whatever, I'm out.

Late,
Kelly K

Road Trip...

OK.....So one of the bands we manage, RED, broke down about a month ago in Boise Idaho while they were on tour. When this happened they had to ride in another tour bus with another band. In doing so, they had to leave there trailer and there gear in Idaho. Well, they finished the tour by using the other bands gear. No problem. Well, now the tour was over. They needed to get there gear home. So we start price checking on how much it will cost to have a company bring the trailer back to Nashville. (thats where the band lives)

Well, we find out the cheapest we can get a company to do it for is about 4 grand. So were like, no forget that!!.... So we start trying to find a cheaper way to go about it... Well, as you have probably already guessed... I got elected to do the deed.

So that night, at 10pm I leave Midland and head to Oklahoma City where i was gonna Pick up a truck and my boy Ricky to help me out. I had no clue that this 4000mile trip was going to take over 94hrs. I was unprepared!!!

Anyway, I get to Oklahoma City around 5am Ricky was still awake. I was like dude, you need to get some rest cause im tired!!! im gonna make you drive!!! He said he was good. so whatever.... I went to sleep and got up at 8am. We left Ricks house and headed to Stillwater to pick up the truck. And just as I thought, as soon as we start driving to Stillwater Rick is out cold!! im like, blah, im so tired and this fool is sleeping!!! We get the Truck, and we start heading toward Idaho.....

Stillwater to Idaho is a 25hr drive by the way. The first 18 hours weren't so bad! We were talkin and havin a pretty good time! We stopped in LoveLand Colorado. Now let me tell you, I dont know if it was just the restaurant we stopped at or the whole town, but that is where God hid all the Beautiful ladies!!! It was insane!!! .....Note to self, Move to LoveLand!

Ok i know this is boring..... So ill just jump to We got the trailer..... and we drove 35hrs to Nashville.

Now, just a couple of notes here......
1.Ricky didn't tell anyone he was leaving and didnt bring a cell phone charger...You can imagine how this scenario goes...
2. We were in a truck for 90hrs without stopping. No showers.... Did not smell well in the truck by the 3rd day....... not good.
3. Kelly cant sleep well in cars...... So at one point Kelly decided to take just half of a pack of Tylenol PM. He thought he would just sleep a few hours then let Rick sleep....... Kelly slept for 9hrs. Poor Rick, Drove all the way across Nebraska alone at night....
4. If Rick Isnt driving....Hes sleeping.... He doesnt talk to you!! ha ha

Ok... So anyway, we Drop the trailer Off with RED and we head back home...... Wait... Did I mention we got to stop in MO. and See Tyler?? yeah well, we did. Which was Rad cause I haven't seen that fool in about 7 months. Anyway, good times were had.....

So heading back into Oklahoma I see a Casino i have never gone too. So we HAD to stop... I mean come on!! So we went in for 45min. And i left with an extra $500!! not a bad stop if I do say so Myself!! Anyway we made it back to Oklahoma around 8pm on Monday..... It was a crazy trip!!!

Of course I'm leaving out TONS of stories and Details..... but then this would be even longer and more boring!!! so anyway..... Crossing 15states.... 4000Miles.....in over 90hrs.....

LATER!!!

Kelly K


Here are a few pictures from the trip......



HERE IS THE TRUCK AND TRAILOR......




RICK DRIVING.......



RICK NOT DRIVING............



RICK NOT DRIVING AGAIN......



CALL IT WHAT YOU WILL................



THE EVER POPULAR TYLER.......



TRYING TO KILL THE EVER POPULAR TYLER........


THATS TYLERS CAR FOLLOWING US, NOT IMPORTANT, BUT HEY, WE TOOK THE PICTURE, MIGHT AS WELL USE IT.....



NOTICE, WHEN PULLING A TRAILER WE ONLY GOT ABOUT 8MPG.... WE SPENT OVER $900 ON GAS!!!






AND THIS IS JUST A PICTURE I HAD OF TYLER KISSING A MANIKIN.....






DISCLAIMER........ we dont look to great in these pictures because we were tired, dirty and just plain HAGGARD!!!

Reflections.....

Weird day.... Lots of thoughts and emotions.... Sorry, this is more for me than you. But take what you will......


And everybody knows that the plague is coming, Everybody knows that its moving fast. Everybody knows that the naked man and woman, Are just a shining artifact of the past. Everybody knows the scene is dead. But theres gonna be a meter on your bed That will disclose What everybody knows.

Dad, your boy is about to fall. He walks the razor's edge. He's on the brink of fading out. He's at his bitter end. Dad, your boy who used to run, you taught him how to crawl. He left home to find his own, now all he had is gone. In your eyes I see a darkness that torments you
and in your head where it dwells. I'd give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it. Let's walk away from this hell.

What's the deal with my brain? Why am I so obviously insane? In a perfect situation I let love down the drain. There's the pitch, slow and straight. All I have to do is swing and I'm a hero, but I'm a zero.

It's nothing I'll forget when the moon gets tired. You are stuck to me everyday, Believe in what I am because it's all I have today. And tomorrow who knows where we'll be. From here I can hardly see a thing But I will follow anyone who brings me to you.

Well first things first, we've gotta find a way To make the beauty of the nighttime last all day. We'll do our very best to keep our appetites in check. You better watch your back, we want your neck
Nothing but rotten apples lay here light years from the tree. Got thrown out of the house at the ripe age of three. I'll do my very best to keep my feelings off my chest, And out of your neck.

Yo, get out the get out the way of the money man. Ladies know I'm dope, so consider me contraband. Fella's are just jealous, cuz they're ponies and I'm mustang. Don't try to hang cuz I'm out with a big bang. Get get down, all the ladies wanna be with me. Get get down, all the fellas compete with me. Get get down, and I know that I'm trippin, but I really don't care cuz this is how I'm livin'.

Now tickets to concerts and drinking at clubs, Sometimes for music that you haven't even heard of. And how much did you pay for your rock'n'roll t-shirt
That proves you were there, That you heard of them first? How do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?

Tossing turning roll away, Indecision won't you ever make up your mind.
Lifetime Nighttime wake the day Cause tomorrow will see if you've had your fill of sympathy. Will you never cease to be the glutton of sympathy?
Don't you know the stars are all fading let the sunshine capture the sparkle
of your smile.

LATE
Kelly K

Sometimes I cant say it so well.....but you can.

A Letter...If you will

Dear Fergie Ferg,

First off let me say I do like the tune of your song London Bridge. It is in fact on my IPOD. I dont even like this style of music, yet, It's a good dance tune. Congrats.
The lyrics are another story. Why I am even analyzing dance song lyrics is a mystery to me as well. Ever since Get out of my dreams and into my car by Billy Ocean, I gave up on finding meaning to pop songs. However I am particularly "tickled" if you will, by your words. Not that i want to blast the song in my car, but if i did, I still cant condone the promotion of such non-sensical word play.
Just so I am clear your "London Bridge" are your panties? If this is true then the singular paired with plural is my first area of concern.
Secondly on the "Big in 06" awards you were introduced by Lance Bass saying " this song has made the London Bridge the most visited tourist site in London" (or something to that degree, my apologies for not getting it down on paper verbatim). I hate to be the one to break it you Ferg but the actual London Bridge is in Lake Havasu, AZ. The bridge you are standing in front of in your promo materials for "London Bridge" is actually the Tower Bridge in London. Boy oh boy, what a blunder. No worries though. I ain't no history buff myself.
Sorry, I didn't mean to be an a-hole, nit picking on the geography facts of a hit song.
Geographically correct or not, at least "London Bridge" has some sting and Fergie, I like me some sting. I do not however like it when people take their names and make them into songs like "Fergalicious." It just makes me uncomfortable. It also sounds creepingly like MC Hammers "Hammer Time." I hear it and immediately the two songs blend:

Fergalicious (Fergalicious)
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that shit is fictitious
I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)
It's Hammer go Hammer MC Hammer Yo Hammer and the rest can go and play
Can't touch this (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) Can't touch this (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

But honestly none of this is really of bother to you. I just wanted to let you know about that London Bridge thing as I hate it when I say something only to later find out it was wrong and none of my friends corrected me. Not to say we are friends. I mean I'll gladly be your friend. OMG are we now friends? Let me know cause I am sending out my holiday cards soon and need to know if I should save one for Ferg, Fergie, Fergy Ferg, Fergalicious, or Stacey Fergerson. (Dang girl! you are becoming the P-diddy/Diddy/Puffy/Puff Daddy/Sean Combs of white girls)

Love Always,
Kelly K

Midland TX...No Thanks!

BLAH!!! so what do you write when nothing exciting is going on!!! And not just nothing exciting....nothing at all!!!!! Ok for reals.... I LOVE my job, but I HATE Midland!!! For reals yo!!! like, I used to complain about OKC a lot, but man, i would do anything to have our office there!!! I mean, for sure id rather live in like, LA or Chicago or somthin like that.... But NOT Midland!!! Now, dont get me wrong, Ive made some GREAT friends here, and I love em to death!!! But i still get so freakin bored!!!

Here, I can give you a little inside look into Midland. Here are just a few facts and observations Ive found since living here these last 5 or 6 months.....

1. If your a female over 20 you have AT LEAST 1 Kid.
2. People can only give you directions from "the Loop"
3. If you wanna go out, EVER, you have to go to a bar.
4. All these bars, are karaoke Bars....
5. Everyone thinks they are the karaoke GOD given to us from Jesus himself and we ALL are Dying to hear them sing.....but were not.....were just dying.....
6. Girls at these "said" bars, with 2 kids at home... only like you when your singing karaoke, any other time they ignore you.
7. I guess no one told the "great" people of Midland that Cowboy hats with the sides smashed as tight as possible to the middle of the hat, are not cool. In fact a little skinny cowboy hat is just stupid and makes you look gay.
8. Yield in Midland means, "Hey, what the hell did that sign say... oh hell! I almost hit that car!! Shoot......."
9. The word "PUNK" means nothing here....they've never even heard of it..
10. Ok, this is one of my favorites..... Poker is illegal in TX, BUT you can play free tournaments with no money involved anytime. So these "famous" Midland bars offer free poker EVERY NIGHT...... but be prepared to play against the 90 something year-old ladies who use Magnum condoms as there "Lucky Tokens".... Im tellin you, the sight of this will make you fold your cards instantly......

So anyway... Theres a few facts about this Great place that i will NEVER call home!!! blah, I'm ready to come back to Oklahoma for a weekend. Or maybe some of you just need to come visit me!! yeah, good Idea!! Come help ME!!!


Later!
Kelly K

Christmas Adventure

older blog.....

Merry Christmas to you all!!! yeah, that was a nice opener..... it felt good....

So.... Lets talk about my evening last night. Im at work and I get a phone call. Its a call letting me know that in the building down the street from mine, is having a HUGE Christmas party. So I ask, "Are we invited?" he says, "I just invited you!" I said, "But were YOU invited?" and he said, "No." But hey, who wants to let minor details ruin a good time?!? So i said......Ill think about it.

When I get off work Justin meets me at my office. See, Justin and I had planed to go to Woofers this evening.... Well, I tell Justin about the party. I tell him what i know....

1.Theres gonna be a band.
2.Free food
3.Open Bar

So we decide to head over and try it out. Just take a little look see.....

So we get there and were looking inside from a distance and I see that everyone is WAY dressed up... So if you know me, Ive got a hoodie, hat and shorts on! ha, I'm thinkin, there is no way I'm gonna be able to pull this off!!! So i call Mark, My friend who told me about the party and im like, hey man, this is like a NICE party!! I cant get in!! He replied, Sure ya can! Just do it!

Those are always great words of advice, "Just Do It".

So I did.

So Just in and I wait for the security guards to wonder away from the door and we made our entrance. But when we came in, no one was walking around talking or anything, everyone was setting at tables eating dinner. we were KINDA noticeable. So we quickly take a seat on a bench in the middle of the room and try our best to look like anonymous blender-iners......

About this time Mark shows up. Ok, so were all here, all together, lets get this thing goin..... we all walk up to the bar....Sure enough, free drinks!! score!!! not bad not bad.... We find a table. an empty table in the corner by the band, and we set up shop. We head over to the food line. and there we found Prime Rib, HUGE shrimp, Stuffed Jalapeños, Fruit, all kinds of cakes and pies... you name it, it was there!! Freakin A man!! this is a great party!!

So were all sitting at our table, eating, drinking, laughing....you know. So they start giving out prizes and were clapping for the winners, and shouting, "YEAH! way to go Jimster!!!" and things of that sort...

Then the band starts playing.....not a good band. But we see this chick, 45-55, sitting alone..... so we invite her to come sit with us! ha! Shes all dressed up nice, and were all looking like punks, but she comes over! Then she starts talking to us, and we find out, this lady is a FaReak! She all talkin about her "religion" which sounds ALOT like a cult.... Said she "did Time" in Texas for a while, shes from LA nows she dating the drummer in this crappy cover band.... on and on and on.....Crazy! now, shes nice, dont get me wrong... just hella weird. To say the least, we dug her! ha ha

So the evening is starting to come to a close, we've had many free drinks, much free food, and plenty of entertainment..... But i wasn't done yet..... there was this huge center piece on each of the tables.. and under was a name of the "Employee" who won it. Well, that employee was SUPPOSED to be sitting at that table.... well, I guess Richard Rodriguez didnt feel the need to show up to the party. That being said, I didnt feel bad walking out with his center piece! HA!

So in conclusion... I had a GREAT night with my friends, and got a nice center piece as well!! Id like to encourage you all to find a Christmas party you dont belong at, and enjoy the fun!!! Because it will be just that......Fun!


Later!
Kelly K

Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers.......I HATE YOU!

Yeah so.......I had the pleasure of doing some shopping at my friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart the other day. I was in kind of a hurry and only had a few items.... The store was packed, So I decided my best bet was to get in the "express" self-checkout lanes. Yeah.....not a good plan........

There were two women in front of me. The first one looked like your typical redneck with a whining little kid in the front of her cart. The next woman, directly in front of me, was one of those 'I'm a crotchety over-weight old beotch who always uses the motorized carts' kind of "gal". I should have been more aware of my surroundings before I stepped into this god-forsaken line.

First off, the lady in front was having trouble with the self-checkout. Most rednecks do. I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt, since even the most retarded shoppers can figure it out after a couple minutes. Turns out I shouldn't have.... After five minutes of her attempts at scanning the same items and punching the same buttons on the screen I get a little pissed. Turns out the lane attendant, who looks like she's just been run through by three varsity football teams, has to come over and provide some assistance.

I'm wondering what the hell could cause this kind of hold up. Then I hear lady number one talking to cart lady number two. She's apologizing for taking so long. Cart lady number two says something like "That's okay sweetheart, it's no big deal." I think to myself that, no, its not a big deal. And redneck lady number one is sorry that she's wasting my time like she is.

But then she says one more interesting thing: "I thought my husband gave me more money than this." Oh no she didn't! You're telling me that I'm sitting here going insane because you have to 'un-scan' item after item until your total is an amount you can actually afford?!?!?!

Some of you might say I'm being a little harsh on the lady, but I assure you I am not. I've heard the words "I thought [insert anyone] gave me more money than this" so many times while waiting in checkout lines that I shouldn't have been surprised when lady number one uttered them. See, the people that say that ARE LYING. No one gave them money to come to the store. They just started throwing crap in their cart without budgeting out how much they could actually buy. And because the chicka two people in front of me didn't feel like adding up how much she was spending, I have to wait in the 'express-lane' for an extra 10 minutes.And that my friends, is a lifetime to me in Wal-Mart.

So I collect myself, and watch as the lane attendant 'un-scans' not one, not two, not five, but ten items from the woman's pile of crap. I just shake my head and stand there like a normal dude...... But what happens next makes me want to kill someone!! It involves the comments made by the cart lady directly in front of me.

Let me set this up. The motorized cart lady had been bitching that she couldn't get the motorized cart to work right just a few minutes before the lane attendant came over to help the 'not-enough-money lady' with her order. So motorized cart lady says this "gem" to the lane attendant: "I need you to go to the front of the store and get me another cart. This here one don't work right and it keeps dying on me. So I need you to bring me another cart so I can get my groceries and actually get home!"

I wanted to punch the dumb woman in the back of the head. I wanted to scream at her, "You're 15 feet from the front of the store! You walked in here didn't you?!? You seriously want the only employee within 50 feet of us to walk out into the front foyer, get you another motorized cart, bring it to you, sit there while you switch to the new one, and then drive the one you say doesn't work back to the front of the store???" It would be different if this lady was actually handicapped, or was really old. But she was just another lazy chicka that didn't feel like walking around 'such a big store', which meant she also felt entitled to a motorized cart, and a working one at that.

Just then a self-checkout lane to my left opened up and people behind me started heading for it. I was all like, ha, NOPE! and did my best LaDainian Tomlinson impression elbowing my way to the scanner. So, to make a long story short, 15 minutes after I got in the 'express lane', I checked out my 4 items and paid for them in less than a minute. Lordt....Some people just shouldn't breathe.....

LATER,

Kelly K