Who, you might ask, am I going to hate on today? Who has annoyed me so much that I must write and rant on the subject? Well, I'll tell you! The freakin' fair! or Carnival, or circus..... Or maybe even not the places themselves, but perhaps the people that go to them.
Let's look here, and I apologize ahead of time if I step on anyone's toes..... First off, they bring this "Big Ol Fair" to YOUR town! WOODOO! They come and take over YOUR mall parking lot with their 4 exciting "THRILL" rides, 3 kiddy rides, and their ferris wheel, which is almost big enough to see over the mall! (But not quite.) They bring these "joys of life" to you for your enjoyment, and your enjoyment ONLY!
Yeah, or to rape you.
They set up little games to play! How fun! Throw a ball at the bottles! Knock them down and win a PRIZE! The only problem here is you just paid $5 to throw a ball at some rigged bottles that aren't gonna fall over, even if God decided to knock them down, and you just got a "PRIZE" worth about $.50! Yeah, wonderful way to spend those 5 bones! Oh, but you were paying for the experience? Well, come to my house, I'll set up some bottles, Throw a ball....the bottles will fall, you'll have the experience, and I only charge $3! Now that's a fun time!
And how about these wonderful thrill rides they ever so lovingly bring to us.... Yeah, let's look at them.... Ok, so it takes tickets to ride. Let's go buy tickets. $20 for 20 tickets! Awesome! That's like at least 10 rides, right? I mean, there's no way they can charge over $2 per ride....right?
Nope. Let's go ride the Spinning Wheel of Doom! Yeah, that sounds fun! Oh, 8 tickets? Well, ok, this ride looks scary AND fun! I'll pay 8 tickets for that! We ride and ride and ride for about 90 seconds at amazing speeds of over 5MPH! YES YES Y-E-S YES!!! That was SOOOooooo worth 8 of my hard earned dollars! I worked an hour at my job to spin in a circle for a minute and a half! Again, come to my house and I'll put you in my BEAUTIFUL white, 98 Ford Mustang and drive you in circles for 5 minutes going at least 30mph and only again charge $3!
Now let's look at the ever so lovely people at the fair... we all know they set up these wonderful places for your blue collar, white, inbred American family. So here we have Joe Mechanic and the Stay at Home wife, Overweight Son 1 and 2, and the "I'm way to cool and Goth to be at the fair" daughter. Now this Joker makes roughly, and this is going out on a limb, $30,000 a year. Here they are for the "Time of their Life"!
They pay $5 a piece to get in the door, $60 in tickets for the kiddos, and at least $50 on food they could have gotten anywhere else for $10. Not to mention the $100 they spent on games. And since the kids are America's finest, they won nothing. Not to mention 2 of the kids were fat, so they couldn't ride any of the rides and the tickets are non refundable....nice. This "average" family easily dropped $250 on dang near NOTHING! Now add this up with all the great American families at the fair. What do you have?? A good ol' fashioned ASS RAPING! The fair is raping you! And you keep wanting to go again and again!
And then what do they do? Come to your town 4 more times that year with a different name... Oh, you went to the fair, you say??? How about the CARNIVAL! No? What about the CIRCUS! Ok, you say the circus is different, they have animals! Yeah, half dead animals that walk in a circle, praying to be put out of their misery. You could have saved the $10 admittance and gone to the zoo on 50 cent Wednesday!
So, there you have it. I hate fairs, carnivals, the circus, and let's go ahead and say petting zoos too, 'cause we ALL know that's a RIP! I mean, shoot, again, come to my house, give me $3, and feed me food! It's way more entertaining, AND I'll even throw in a bit of conversation!
Whatever....
LATE!
Kelly K
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