Yeah so.......I had the pleasure of doing some shopping at my friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart the other day. I was in kind of a hurry and only had a few items.... The store was packed, So I decided my best bet was to get in the "express" self-checkout lanes. Yeah.....not a good plan........
There were two women in front of me. The first one looked like your typical redneck with a whining little kid in the front of her cart. The next woman, directly in front of me, was one of those 'I'm a crotchety over-weight old beotch who always uses the motorized carts' kind of "gal". I should have been more aware of my surroundings before I stepped into this god-forsaken line.
First off, the lady in front was having trouble with the self-checkout. Most rednecks do. I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt, since even the most retarded shoppers can figure it out after a couple minutes. Turns out I shouldn't have.... After five minutes of her attempts at scanning the same items and punching the same buttons on the screen I get a little pissed. Turns out the lane attendant, who looks like she's just been run through by three varsity football teams, has to come over and provide some assistance.
I'm wondering what the hell could cause this kind of hold up. Then I hear lady number one talking to cart lady number two. She's apologizing for taking so long. Cart lady number two says something like "That's okay sweetheart, it's no big deal." I think to myself that, no, its not a big deal. And redneck lady number one is sorry that she's wasting my time like she is.
But then she says one more interesting thing: "I thought my husband gave me more money than this." Oh no she didn't! You're telling me that I'm sitting here going insane because you have to 'un-scan' item after item until your total is an amount you can actually afford?!?!?!
Some of you might say I'm being a little harsh on the lady, but I assure you I am not. I've heard the words "I thought [insert anyone] gave me more money than this" so many times while waiting in checkout lines that I shouldn't have been surprised when lady number one uttered them. See, the people that say that ARE LYING. No one gave them money to come to the store. They just started throwing crap in their cart without budgeting out how much they could actually buy. And because the chicka two people in front of me didn't feel like adding up how much she was spending, I have to wait in the 'express-lane' for an extra 10 minutes.And that my friends, is a lifetime to me in Wal-Mart.
So I collect myself, and watch as the lane attendant 'un-scans' not one, not two, not five, but ten items from the woman's pile of crap. I just shake my head and stand there like a normal dude...... But what happens next makes me want to kill someone!! It involves the comments made by the cart lady directly in front of me.
Let me set this up. The motorized cart lady had been bitching that she couldn't get the motorized cart to work right just a few minutes before the lane attendant came over to help the 'not-enough-money lady' with her order. So motorized cart lady says this "gem" to the lane attendant: "I need you to go to the front of the store and get me another cart. This here one don't work right and it keeps dying on me. So I need you to bring me another cart so I can get my groceries and actually get home!"
I wanted to punch the dumb woman in the back of the head. I wanted to scream at her, "You're 15 feet from the front of the store! You walked in here didn't you?!? You seriously want the only employee within 50 feet of us to walk out into the front foyer, get you another motorized cart, bring it to you, sit there while you switch to the new one, and then drive the one you say doesn't work back to the front of the store???" It would be different if this lady was actually handicapped, or was really old. But she was just another lazy chicka that didn't feel like walking around 'such a big store', which meant she also felt entitled to a motorized cart, and a working one at that.
Just then a self-checkout lane to my left opened up and people behind me started heading for it. I was all like, ha, NOPE! and did my best LaDainian Tomlinson impression elbowing my way to the scanner. So, to make a long story short, 15 minutes after I got in the 'express lane', I checked out my 4 items and paid for them in less than a minute. Lordt....Some people just shouldn't breathe.....
LATER,
Kelly K
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