A Letter...If you will

Dear Fergie Ferg,

First off let me say I do like the tune of your song London Bridge. It is in fact on my IPOD. I dont even like this style of music, yet, It's a good dance tune. Congrats.
The lyrics are another story. Why I am even analyzing dance song lyrics is a mystery to me as well. Ever since Get out of my dreams and into my car by Billy Ocean, I gave up on finding meaning to pop songs. However I am particularly "tickled" if you will, by your words. Not that i want to blast the song in my car, but if i did, I still cant condone the promotion of such non-sensical word play.
Just so I am clear your "London Bridge" are your panties? If this is true then the singular paired with plural is my first area of concern.
Secondly on the "Big in 06" awards you were introduced by Lance Bass saying " this song has made the London Bridge the most visited tourist site in London" (or something to that degree, my apologies for not getting it down on paper verbatim). I hate to be the one to break it you Ferg but the actual London Bridge is in Lake Havasu, AZ. The bridge you are standing in front of in your promo materials for "London Bridge" is actually the Tower Bridge in London. Boy oh boy, what a blunder. No worries though. I ain't no history buff myself.
Sorry, I didn't mean to be an a-hole, nit picking on the geography facts of a hit song.
Geographically correct or not, at least "London Bridge" has some sting and Fergie, I like me some sting. I do not however like it when people take their names and make them into songs like "Fergalicious." It just makes me uncomfortable. It also sounds creepingly like MC Hammers "Hammer Time." I hear it and immediately the two songs blend:

Fergalicious (Fergalicious)
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that shit is fictitious
I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)
It's Hammer go Hammer MC Hammer Yo Hammer and the rest can go and play
Can't touch this (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) Can't touch this (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

But honestly none of this is really of bother to you. I just wanted to let you know about that London Bridge thing as I hate it when I say something only to later find out it was wrong and none of my friends corrected me. Not to say we are friends. I mean I'll gladly be your friend. OMG are we now friends? Let me know cause I am sending out my holiday cards soon and need to know if I should save one for Ferg, Fergie, Fergy Ferg, Fergalicious, or Stacey Fergerson. (Dang girl! you are becoming the P-diddy/Diddy/Puffy/Puff Daddy/Sean Combs of white girls)

Love Always,
Kelly K